Day 175: On my mind

R&R is just around the corner. I'm super excited to actually be able to go to the airport and pick Kevin up. Last time he surprised me so I didn't get this experience. I have yet to anxiously wait in the airport for my soldier. (not to say that I haven't anxiously waited for his return in with other spouses and family members at redeployment ceremony, or just in general terms..) Nevertheless, I am looking forward to having that moment.

I am so excited to see Kevin! (yea, yea, I know I already said that) But this excitement got me to thinking. I was thinking about how much trouble reintegration is. I was thinking about the struggles we faced after last deployment. I've been thinking about other people I know who battle through reintegration, shutting down that battle field mentality and the problems it causes and of course the monster, PTSD. For the record, soldiers and marriages can face a number of problems throughout reintegration without PTSD, seen it, lived it. People often just assume problems and distance between them and their soldier is automatically PTSD. Just saying- for the record is all. My point is that R&R is often so easy, peaceful and amazing.

Why doesn't R&R have the same struggles as post-deployment reintegration?

Don't get me wrong I get 15 days- that's it. People only got 15 days out of 15 months; 15 days out of 12 months, ect ect. I am thankful that my 15 days will be enjoyable. I was just simply, "thinking"; just wondering why the experiences are so different?

What a Week!

Monday: Nathan started school and I went with my sister to take some pictures of his first day and witness this little boy growing up.

Tuesday: The drama started. This was Nathan's first time riding the bus. Nathan has been wanting to ride the bus for years. He's see the other kids getting off the bus in the afternoons and ask everyone why he couldn't ride the bus and we'd tell him "Because you don't go to school yet. When you get a little bit older you can ride the bus." Anyway, my sis put Nathan on "The Green Frog" bus in the AM. However, he was not put on "The Green Frog" bus in the afternoon. Nathan was lost for a few. Thankfully, this brave little 4 year old boy knows his mommy's phone number and luckily there was a nice mommy at the bus stop who saw this scared boy and offered to help. My sister got a phone call from this nice lady saying that her son Nathan was with her in a completely different part of the neighborhood. Some foul up happened at the school and Nathan was put on the purple flower or some other bus route.

Wednesday: I finally went to Pinkberry which opened in Colorado Springs months ago. I'm kind of obsessed with the Pomegranate Pinkberry. mmm Cue mouth watering. Also visited Old Navy and DSW where I picked up some new shoes for our R&R trip to Vegas!
I tried a new recipe. Something I adapted from a friend. I pan fried some Pork chops with olive oil and some S&P. When they were all cooked up and happy I threw in a chopped red bell pepper and an onion and a large can of Diced Tomatoes, some more S&P and about half a tspn of crushed red pepper flakes. I put all of this into a baking dish and threw it in the oven at 375 for about 15 mins just to get all the flavors happy. I made some whole wheat rotini pasta on the side and proceeded to stuff my face.

Thursday: I visited my friend and forced her to watch PS I Love You, because she hadn't seen it yet- weird, right?

Friday: I got busy with a friend. We had some lunch and popped into JC Penney then saw The Change Up-- so funny. It was vulgar but hilarious. It's always nice to giggle. :) I tried another new recipe: I started with a marinade two tablespoons Dijon mustard, rosemary, parsley, S&P, olive oil and a lil water. Threw in some Chicken Thighs and let them marinade all day. I pan fried them with some olive oil and had some green beans on the side. YUMMM!!

It's officially been Saturday for 5 hours and 44 minutes 6 hours and 5 mins. For some reason I went to sleep about 1030ish and have been up since about 230. Saturday is off to a stellar start. This Am (in about an hour) I'll be heading over to Fort Carson for the Walk for the Fallen. This is the 3rd year in a row I've participated. It's always heartbreaking to be there. It's humbling. The last two times my husband had just returned home from deployment (the first time) and back from extended field rotations last year, so I was feeling especially grateful to have him by my side. This year he's on the other side of the world. I'll miss him. I'll be walking with friends and kiddos for a great cause.

How was your week?

yuck

I feel craptastic today. Yesterday evening I attempted to go to Aspen with a friend of mine for a long weekend. It was a huge, GIANT sized failure. As we approached 8400 Feet (Woodland Park, Co) I started feeling really awful: lightheaded, nauseous, tired-- overall crappy! So we stop in Woodland Park about 40 mins into our trip and get something to eat and feed the kiddos... this is where everything went bad!
First of all, if you ever find yourself hungry in Woodland Park Colorado avoid the Wendy's like the plague. I was no impressed. They "forgot" the cheese on my "cheeseburger". C'mon seriously. Anyway, I ordered a sprite with my "cheese-less-cheeseburger" hoping that would settle my tum-tum. Nope. I proceeded to vomit in their less than spot-less latrine. Talk about making an already unpleasant experience worse. Bleh- no thanks. So I tell my friend I really don't think it's smart for me to continue. I tell her to continue you to Aspen and I'll call my mommy for a ride. I've always known that my Mommy would come get me anyplace I needed, under any circumstances. She's cool like that.

After I got home I had a piece of bread (gotta get something in my stomach right?) and pound water (gotta re-hydrate, right?). Then I proceeded to fall asleep at 830 pm. I slept for about 11 hours and got up a lil after 7 this AM. I'm still not 100% maybe about 75-80%.
I wish my hubby was here. I'm the worlds-worst sick person. I just want someone to pat my forehead with a cold damp towel and bring me Gatorade with a straw (you know so I don't have to actually sit up to drink it). Oh, 800 mg of Motrin... because that fixes everything... right? No? Well I guess it couldn't hurt. May help with the headache (woo hoo found a justification for Vitamin M).

Day 105: Bout half way.

Yeah, it's been one hundred and five days, already. 105 days ago my husband left for Afghanistan on this fourth deployment. 105 days ago I was a hot mess. Today, I'm not a hot mess (but getting hotter... woo woo)! Today I'm living life and trying to roll with the punches in the best ways I know how. I'm losing weight and I intend to continue down this same path! I'm working on my tan, obviously this is a huge priority. I'm going to school. I'm working hard and bringing home some of my own bacon! Yeah, I'm having a good deployment. I say we're forced into these crap-tastic, lengthy periods of time without our spouses we might as well enjoy what we can.*

I say in the title "bout half way", because we're about half way to R&R. We're looking forward to Vegas!!

Can I also just say I'm looking forward to tomorrow. "Why?" I'm sure you're wondering. Well, I'll tell you. Tomorrow is cheat day for my diet. I'm looking forward to pasta (yummm) and ice cream. Maybe beer. (I know I'm classy. Get over yourself we can't always be elegantly sipping Pinot.)


*Just because I can manage to enjoy myself doesn't me I don't love my husband. It just means I know how to be by myself. I've always been a person who needs some alone time to reflect, decompress and relax. It's how I roll. ;)

A whole lada nada...

Once upon a time I used to blog quiet a bit. These days I'm lucky if I post once a week... you're missing me aren't you?

Sadly, I haven't had anything nice to say. I'm stressed with this crap-tastic job I find myself in and the future. I'm stressed from being in Colorado, sans husband. I generally feel detached from my life. I feel detached from my role as a spouse, the Army, and our plans for the future. Please do not misunderstand, I'm not announcing a divorce... I'm not admitting to doing bad things in the absence of my husband... What my point is, is that I don't find being away from my home and my things and obligations to be a positive thing at this specific moment. Long story, short: Running home during deployment (although, never my goal but where I wound up) is not a good thing. I find it to be counter-productive. Being here and this feeling of detachment is creating emotional distance between Kevin and I. I couldn't quite put my finger on the problem the last few weeks but there it is.

I feel like it's my fault. So then I beat myself up over it... you know, because that's so productive. Well, I'm working on it. Trying to turn a corner.

I was hoping that some alone time on R&R would help... doesn't look like there'll be a whole lot of that. :( boo. We'll work something out though. I'm sure of it.

What do you do when you start to feel the distance of a deployment??

The Great R&R Debate

Since the opportunity to stick around in CO came up Kevin and I have had to adjust our plans for R&R. Originally I was looking into a Mediterranean cruise. Considering that is far less accessible from Colorado we've been talking through all of our options: visiting family all over the West Coast (including Brody in San Diego) or another vacation spot. Considering last R&R we traveled to Portland and San Diego and it was exhausting to do both in only 2 weeks. So we're now considering: 

LOS ANGELES!!!

I mean, it's not the Mediterranean, but hey there is a lot to see and do there. I'm hoping to get to a taping of the Ellen show, maybe Jay Leno...? Kevin wants to tour Universal Studios. I'd like to see the Walk of Fame, Hollywood Sign, The Santa Monica Pier and so much more. 

We're still in the planning stages, I'm going to contact a travel agent tomorrow and see what they can tell me. Maybe all of this will be affordable? (haaaa... right, LA... usually affordable riiiight!?) We'll see if it works out!

Change of Plans

About four days after I arrived home to Colorado my moms neighbor (who is a realtor and takes care of all of our realtor related needs) calls and says that the commissary on Fort Carson is hiring for stockers at night which pays like $20/hour. So I figured, "what the hell" I can at least apply and see what happens- nothing saying I'm actually going to get it. So I applied and turns out I got it. Yesterday I was a mess about the decision. My place is in Germany. But I feel like it's time to contribute where I can; sadly there aren't job opportunities for me in Germany. Staying here for the next 7 months will allow for my husband and I to start the next chapter of our lives completely debt free. Sacrificing my independence, missing my bed and my things is worth it in the end.
For the record I know how this will be perceived, I know that it'll look like I just can't hang with the deployment... but it just so happened that this opportunity came my way- why would I pass it up???

I'll miss Germany and Baumholder, and the opportunities to travel... on the other hand we'll have two more years there and TOGETHER!

I want it Wednesday...

I know everyone has missed knowing what I'm currently wanting every Wednesday out of life... so I figured I'd clue everyone in this week.

I want....

I had a stand-mixer, a cheapo-one but a standmixer none-the-less. It did what I needed it to do without spending $300 on it. So I was pleased. Well, something weird happened to it in the packing/shipping process (in our PCS to Germany) because now it only has one speed and that's super-duper FAST. So now I'm thinking I should just bite the bullet and get the Kitchen Aid!

I want...
My nephew to come back to his house so I have someone to hang out with! Remember how I told you guys that I was back home in Colorado for about a month? Well the downfall to surprising everyone is that they don't plan on you being there... (duh) so lil' Nathan had plans to stay at his Gramma's for about a week and since he loves it there and as so much fun I couldn't insist that he stay home just to hang out with me! that'd be selfish.

I want...
My husband to be here with me in Colorado. It's more fun when he's around.

Now you know what I want.... What do you want on this lovely Wednesday??

The Realness

I miss my husband. I miss him more when I have an itch, I can't scratch (on my back- you pervs) at 11:00 PM. I've had the opportunity to speak with him quite a bit when I'm sitting around really wanting his opinion on something I haven't had to wait too terribly long to get it, so I can't really complain on that front. I do just miss his company, in the car, in the kitchen, at the dinner table, in bed to snuggle with... I have to say, we do the whole pre-deployment-fighting-wonderfulness. The ownership for that belongs to both of us. It's not all him but it's not all me either. We come together in the end, we do eventually see the bigger picture! My point being that while we do love each other we fully understand the other's faults and shortcomings and today I'm missing him.

(and I missed him ALOT last night when I couldn't reach that spot on my back!)

Day 3: Interview

I had an AWESOME interview today with a really good government contractor. Things went really well (hence the "AWESOME")! I've sent my Thank You email for the interviewer's time and contacting the hiring official.... we'll see how it plays out. The ONLY downfall is that it'd be an hour commute to and fro everyday. It's a great opportunity and I can't wait to hear if I got selected.

Other than that I've had some new and great friends stop by to keep me company the last few days-- just like Monday, I'm Stayin' Busy!

In other amazing news I heard from my fella! <3

Day 1: Staying Busy

Today, I hit the ground running. Not literally, of course- I loath running. I got up (always a good start), watched Army Wives (color me unimpressed), worked out, mopped floors, fixed myself for the day, had a friend bring me a box of brownie mix (yes, just the mix, for me to bake later, haha), went to the Commissary and PX and then I ate.

Best part I heard from the hubs. He's good but still knows nothing.... we're waiting to see where he'll end up and who he'll be with ect... Hurry up and Wait, such is life!

Today, I accomplished my goal to stay as busy as possible. Thankfully, I have some other friends to visit with and other chores to complete this week. Here's hoping, I'll have plenty to keep me physically and mentally busy over the course of the next few months!!

And he's....

Gone.




Maybe Bone Thugs n Harmony isn't your cup of tea... but right now I can't find a more fitting song. 


That could have something to do with the fact that my husband texted me from "parts-unknown" telling me to look up this song and he was dedicating it to me. But then again, could have something to do with the chorus:

If I had one wish
That wish would be clear
That I would not have to go
That I could stay here
And although it hurts me
To leave you all alone
Just know I'll come back for you
For now I'm gone.

It's strange I didn't completely flip my shit until I heard this song. I was 'ok' until I got home and found his dirty draws on the bathroom floor this song. 


I miss him already. 

The D-Word

So it only took 2 months and 7 days since arriving in Baumholder for serious talks of Deployment to start. The Army being what the Army is, we of course, know nothing concrete. I don't know if I'll have 2 days, 2 hours, or 2 months with my husband before he leaves on his 4th deployment. I know that Kevin has been lucky in regards to dwell time and stabilization, in comparison to others. He wasn't caught up in the troop surge. He wasn't extended to 18 months like some families I know. But the reality of "this is really happening, again" just hit me. I lost hope this morning, of spending his birthday with him this year, or mine, and most likely our anniversary.

Here I am, after surviving Kevin's last deployment of 355 days, only looking at (approx.) 275 days without my love and I'm feeling lucky, scared, deprived and proud. I'm Lucky because we've had the last 547 days together and we're only facing 275 days apart. I'm Scared because we're all people, human, regardless of age, time in grade, enlisted or officer, we all love our husbands and worry the same way. I feel Deprived because I have no solid information as to when Kevin will be leaving (things are still up in the air); we have a 4-day this weekend. A 4-day we could venture to Paris or Munich, but we'll spend it close to home.... waiting. I feel Proud because, to this day there is nothing I've done that I'm more proud of then standing by (behind, whichever adjective you prefer) my husband, supporting him throughout his deployments.

I've often wondered if life would be easier for the Pamela and Chase's out there; the Delta's (hush hush, shhh) leaving on a moment's notice. You don't have this 3 month pre-deployment build up of non-sense to deal with. You get to rip the bandaid and press on with business. Of course, the grass isn't always greener- I understand that the "high speed" fellas (as I like to refer to them) do a lot more training (as they should, they're high speed after all) a lot more deployments (lest they be shorter, but different missions, ect). I really don't need all the spouses of the high speed fella's coming out of the wood work to explain the differences to me, trust me I get them and I fully respect them. I'm just saying this one aspect is something I've wondered about; Would it be easier to cope with, that way (not the whole High speed aspect, JUST the last minute/no notice part)?

I guess I'll find out, won't I?

Givin' it a try...

Are you a fan of resolutions? I'm undecided. But... I have come across a few things I really would like to try to become better at, change about myself, or test drive for a while. Here's a few new things you can expect to see talked about on my bloggy over the coming year:

Meal Planning. I've seen a few people taking part in this. I think it's a great idea for a few reasons. 1) Keeps waste down so I'm not throwing out rotten fruits or veggies that don't find themselves used in a suitable timeframe. 2) Things are more fresh over here in Germany... things go bad sooner. For instance Milk. Milk is just weird here in general- I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to it soon enough though. 3) I LOVE Pioneer Woman and Our Best Bites. IF you haven't checked in with either of these sites, you're doing yourself a great disservice. Another goal along the same lines with this meal planning is to eat and cook more healthy foods. I've found quite a few recipes I can't wait to try! Stay tuned for the favs.
Exercising 4 times per week. Yes, I'm making that same, tired ol' "resolution" you hear every second person you know make EVERY year. They start off motivated but by MLK Day they've given up. I think this is why I don't like to call them resolutions. It's not a thing I'm interested in only doing for 2011, but a life-change I'm pursuing for my future. I'm not planning on becoming a gym head who spends every spare second I have there. But I am planning on Walking more often. Playing more Kinect (which believe it or not keeps one very active. I'm sure I will make it to the gym once or twice though. haha
Travel! The opportunities once inside Europe are endless. This was one of the main motivators for pursuing orders to Germany for Kevin and I. We're looking forward to gettin' around once we're further settled. (have I failed to mention recently we're still in a hotel room without a car??) The travel goal is negotiable in my mind, but for now stands at visiting at least 5 new countries this year. I say this is negotiable because we still have absolutely no idea if Kevin will remain on rear-d or join his unit in A-stan in a few months. Whether Kevin is here or not I still plan to see sites and get around (haha) but it will be greatly scaled back as I would like experience most places with Kevin!
School: Take 3 courses without breaks. I've sent an email out to the POC for the colleges here on post and I'm waiting to hear back from them. Once I've gotten all the preliminary shizzle out of the way I want to hit the books, HARD. While I am motivated I have this lingering sense that I would take a class or two then slack off for a while and find myself right where I am now. So, here's the goal: I want to take 3 classes (back-to-back) (or more than one at a time) and then entertain the idea of a break. It's been a while since I've really engulfed myself in school so I think this is a sound goal and will keep me in line to achieving my "Big Picture" goals.

So there you have it. There's some of the things I'm going to work my hardest at. Is it fair to say that I'm not going to start until after we have our house? Or is that just an excuse? I mean, really I can't cook much here and who wants to see a weekly meal plan consisting of Grilled Cheese, canned soup and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Good news though, we may sign for our house as early as next Friday!!!! Woot woot! Fingers crossed please.

When Your Husband...

Cooks dinner it makes things allllll better!

Kevin doesn't cook. Period. Well, not quite that "period." He does make macaroni and cheese. Since I started working again I've been pretty beat/exhausted/lazy/useless in the evenings. Somehow I'm also more hungry throughout the day. This using your brain business is no joke. Anywho, today I text Kevin about 4 p.m. and asked him if he would mind starting dinner because I was super hungry. To my surprise Kevin agreed. Once I (finally) made my way home he had the grill heated up, steak on, and rice-a-roni started! All I had to do was make the corn! 

Gotta say I don't think there are too many things that comin' home to that wouldn't fix. 

My friend and her husband are doing okay. Last I heard he's still in Kuwait awaiting transport to Germany. He broke two vertebra near the top of his back. He's up walking around and they don't think he'll need surgery. All in all he seems to have been pretty lucky. Thanks for all the support and prayers! 

In other Solider/Army related news, all the NCO's met with the new Sergeant Major today. Evidently he's a very family orientated guy and will be contacting the parents of all the soldiers. You know.... just to say Hi. While I think this is great.... I'm wondering why he isn't contacting the spouses of the married soldiers and parents of the unmarried guys? 

Any thoughts??

Oh.... last but not least (although I wish I didn't have to talk about this at all) the hubs will be gearing up for his fourth deployment this fall -- the gearing up part is in the fall. The Deployment part I'm not sure... but my best guess is in the Spring (2011). 

So for "I Want it Wednesday" I want another Wednesday... 

That doesn't include conversations about injured soldiers

or deploying husbands. 

In Memorial

Today I have all of our men in women in the military in my thoughts. 

Today I am grateful and humbled by their service. 

Forgive me but I'd like to discuss a few I am associated with. 

on August 21st, 2009 Sgt. Matthew Ingram died in Chapa Dara, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle and his unit came under small fire from enemy forces.

I was at Matt's wedding; he married a good friend of mine, Holly in the summer of 2006. 

I have lost touch with Holly. Today I found her on Facebook, and hope to reconnect. 

The local news did a story on Matt and interview Holly last August, which is how I learned of his death. 

My heart goes out to Holly and her (now, year old) daughter Chloe.

<source>

I have to also mention Mrs. Rachel Porto today. Visit her blog, here if you haven't already.

Johnny is in my thoughts today. As are you and Ariana. 

John William Finn

Medal of Honor earned by manning a machine gun from an exposed position throughout the attack, despite being repeatedly wounded. Through all of that he continued to serve in the Navy until the time of his retirement.

John Finn passed away at 100 years of age on 27 May 2010. 

He was the last Pearl Harbor Survivor. 

Take some time today to remember and appreciate the military who have given their lives for the freedoms we hold so dear. 

"Greater love hath no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends." John 15:13

Sound Off

I want your opinions on a few things. So, please weigh in!

First:

Kev and I were watching an Extreme Home Makeover re-run the other night. I don't remember the family members' names but I do remember that they lived in Arkansas. Anyway, we had Mom, Daughter and Son present for the taping. Their "claim to fame"/reason they were chosen for the show is, Mom started a non-profit (which I also don't remember the name of) which assists/works with the Missing and Exploited Children Organization, after her 3rd child (a daughter) was abducted 10 year earlier. Ty and the gang were in attendance for the 10-year anniversary of when the daughter was taken.

While Kev and I watched the episode we discussed the fact that this girl had been abducted 10 years earlier and that I couldn't possibly be as hopeful as this mom was. Kevin disagreed and said if it were my own child that I'd feel differently. Egh... maybe. Maybe not.

I got to discussing this episode with my mom a few days ago. I told her I didn't believe that I would be able to hold onto hope for that long. I went onto tell Mom how 'they' (the episode) campaigned very hard to get your kids finger-printed and have a current picture (at least once every 6 months) at all times -- as a PREVENTATIVE measure. I'm sorry people but how on earth are having pics and your babies fingerprinted going to prevent some psycho from snatching them off of the street? Prolly won't. Sorry to poo-poo that idea. Well, Mom agreed. She suggested Chipping your kids. We chip our dogs, right? Why not?

Those of you who just cringed and cursed my mom, take a minute and really consider it. If (God-forbid) someone were to abduct your son or daughter wouldn't you want to have this back-up?? For anyone who actually has their dog chipped you know that you can't just voila! activate it and have your mutt picked up lickety-split; whomever finds your precious pup had to take them to a vet and the vet activates your chip....... if all that goes according to plan then you can bring your dog home. I'm thinking I'd prefer something more along the lines of "LoJack". GPS.

{again, stop cringing... hear me out}

"LoJack, not LowJack, is the only vehicle recovery system operated directly by law enforcement. The moment you report a car stolen, a routine entry into the state crime database will automatically trigger the LoJack System hidden well on your automobile. The car tracking device begins to emit an inaudible signal that police can use to track the path of your vehicle. Law enforcement authorities then follow the signal, track down and recover your car and return it to you. " -www.lojack.com

I think that if some sick-o stole my kid, I'd wish I had them chipped (at an early age, it wouldn't be painful, ect ect ect.) so that the Police/FBI (whomever "they" deem) could track them down and bring them home.

You're turn. What do you think? Sound off!

I brought this up to my neighbor, Nikki. She hated the idea. She didn't want "the man" (lol) knowing where she was at all times. I think this is BOGUS! "the man" already knows where you are; and if not, he sure as shit knows how to find your sneaky-ass ASAP! So I'm gonna go ahead and poo-poo that argument. I would rather have "the man" be able to track me because he's bored and has nothing better to do, if it meant I could (if the need should arise) find my stolen child and bring them home. Versus suffering, wallowing, wondering and HOPING they would someday find their way back home.

~***~

Second:

How do we feel about the Afghan discussion in Washington right now?

Yes, I say "we"... we are now a collective and think as one.

;)

Seriously, what are your thoughts? SOUND OFF!

This may be an immature or simple-minded viewpoint but really, troop increase or whatever they decide. I kind of don't really care- honestly. Here's what I do care about: I care about finality. I care about Levi, my brother-in-law currently serving his 4th deployment, in Afghanistan. I care that he got swept up in the first troop surge... which is odd because that was suppose to be in Iraq- right? Lord, who knows anymore? Well, he was in Afghanistan at the time and was still extended to 15 months. It sucked. Increase troops, fine. Whatever. I don't think that they should make the guys already serving over there have to stay even longer in order to reach their "additional surge numbers". Whatever they turn out to be. I say: Send the guy who's only deployed once and drove a desk since 03. Send the douche-bags I see walking around post without a combat patch. Versus, more or less penalizing the soldiers who know what they signed up for and who suck-it-up and deploy time-after-time-after-time.

Hmm. I'm thinking that's goin to be unpopular. Oh well.

Coming back to Finality. If an increase is determined to be necessary in Afghanistan then it better it be successful. Make it count. Please don't make it a habit either. The Iraqi surge was successful and the majority of the troops left behind are non-combat related. So "they" say. All the same, if a surge is necessary I hope it would speed up the final exit from Afghanistan.

Ok, I'm tired and have written enough for one day. Please weigh in. Please don't go on and on about how repubs or demo's suck at life. It's not relevant. And it sort of bores me.

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

That's right people, my husband is home!!! (:

He arrived yesterday early evening. The homecoming ceremony was emotional -- of course! Thankfully he is off for the next few days (through the weekend) so we will be spending the next few days with family, RELAXING and acclimating. (:

I'll post pictures as I get them from family that was around -- I was a little too busy yesterday to be responsible for taking pictures, hahAhAA!

Sorry we skipped "I Want it Wednesday!" but I think you can all understand!

HUGE Updates

The BIGGEST and BEST and HAPPIEST update of all:

My hubby will be home in just about a week! That's right people in a week (or more, or less- who really truly knows? ) my man will be home with me- right where he belongs! Of course I don't know an exact date yet and if I did I couldn't tell! :-x (;

I am couldn't be more excited. And nervous. And anxious. The list goes on and on and on...

~~~~~

Next I wanted to update everyone my my list (of things to complete before Kevin's return). I will be making the sauce later this week so it's fresh and all yummy-delicious! I was reading "The Travelers Gift" then it started to bore me. Then well, Brody ate it. Yes, that's a true story. I guess I'll never know how it ends. Shucks. I'll probably start on "The Noticer" tonight. Hopefully it isn't as dry as "The Travelers Gift." I've been hitting the gym on a regular basis and eating very well (with the exception of last night's binge on Coffee Ice Cream with Heath bars mixed in.... my mouth is watering. Please excuse me....) so I'm thinking the weight loss goal is right on track. I make not weighing my self on a regular basis a habit. :) The scale=THE DEVIL. Then the backyard started to be another issue. The hubs told me to rent a tiller but after it's tilled it needs to be flattened out ASAP and then the concrete sand needs to be put down ASAP...once the sand is down the pavers have to be down ASAP. Since all of the steps need to be completed within a short period of time and Kevin wants to be apart of picking out the paver stones we decided to address it when he gets back. :( So that project is delayed. I am, however looking forward to the help! :)

Frustrated. Disappointed. Lonely.

As previous stated the FRG meeting earlier was completely unhelpful. I hate this. I was sincerely hoping they would provide something useful. I think you can understand my frustration, anger and disappointment I felt when all I was provided was an 8 day window! Now I am forced to make a more realistic guess for my MIL. So that hopefully she and my FIL would be in town for the Homecoming Ceremony. I hate the idea of having to take full responsibility for my husband's Mother's attendance at his 3rd Homecoming Ceremony. What if I'm wrong and she misses it? UGH! I am ridiculously over all of this Army BS.

I get the importance of OPSEC. Hence why we have the secure FRG website. With this secure site why couldn't they give us the exact date? Why sit and make us stew on this, wondering and above all GUESSING. It's sick. The Commanders down-range know when they are leaving their FOB, when they're getting to Kuwait... hmmm so why wouldn't they know WHAT day they're leaving Kuwait and therefore returning to Post? Tell me (for example) they'll be home the 28th; being that I'm a reasonable minded individual I understand that they may get delayed somewhere along the route and they may not make it home until the 29th. See, now was that so hard?

My bitching and complaining will get me no where. I will be stuck waiting and hoping my guess was accurate enough and Kevin will see his mother's and step-fathers smiling faces amongst the crowd at this, his 3rd Welcome Home Ceremony!

~~~~~

Sleeping has become quite the chore as of late. The anticipation coupled with the lack of information makes me extremely uneasy, come bed time. Plus, a year of sleeping a lone has just taken it's tole on me. I'm over it.

As stated in this post I have an issue with paranoia (see #5). When Kevin and I got married than bought our home I insisted on a security system. Some people have alarms in their homes as a standard; I did not. But when I chose to marry a soldier that meant, field rotations, NTC and most notably deployments. Long story-short: I was going to be alone quite a bit. Left alone+paranoia= this-girl-gets-an-alarm!

Lately... the alarm is falling short on the piece-of-mind category. Instead I wake up in the middle of the night to the dog snoring or shifting his weight outside the bedroom door and immediately freak out. Thought #1: I wish Kevin were here. Thought #2: IF someone is there, what do they want? Thought #3: "SAM! Stop thinking like that! No one is there. If someone were there the siren would be baring!" Thought #4: I wish Kevin were here. Thought #5: I sleep much more soundly when I sleep next to my husband. Thought #6: I wish Kevin were here.

Life right now... consists a lot of frustration, disappointment and loneliness.