Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The D-Word

So it only took 2 months and 7 days since arriving in Baumholder for serious talks of Deployment to start. The Army being what the Army is, we of course, know nothing concrete. I don't know if I'll have 2 days, 2 hours, or 2 months with my husband before he leaves on his 4th deployment. I know that Kevin has been lucky in regards to dwell time and stabilization, in comparison to others. He wasn't caught up in the troop surge. He wasn't extended to 18 months like some families I know. But the reality of "this is really happening, again" just hit me. I lost hope this morning, of spending his birthday with him this year, or mine, and most likely our anniversary.

Here I am, after surviving Kevin's last deployment of 355 days, only looking at (approx.) 275 days without my love and I'm feeling lucky, scared, deprived and proud. I'm Lucky because we've had the last 547 days together and we're only facing 275 days apart. I'm Scared because we're all people, human, regardless of age, time in grade, enlisted or officer, we all love our husbands and worry the same way. I feel Deprived because I have no solid information as to when Kevin will be leaving (things are still up in the air); we have a 4-day this weekend. A 4-day we could venture to Paris or Munich, but we'll spend it close to home.... waiting. I feel Proud because, to this day there is nothing I've done that I'm more proud of then standing by (behind, whichever adjective you prefer) my husband, supporting him throughout his deployments.

I've often wondered if life would be easier for the Pamela and Chase's out there; the Delta's (hush hush, shhh) leaving on a moment's notice. You don't have this 3 month pre-deployment build up of non-sense to deal with. You get to rip the bandaid and press on with business. Of course, the grass isn't always greener- I understand that the "high speed" fellas (as I like to refer to them) do a lot more training (as they should, they're high speed after all) a lot more deployments (lest they be shorter, but different missions, ect). I really don't need all the spouses of the high speed fella's coming out of the wood work to explain the differences to me, trust me I get them and I fully respect them. I'm just saying this one aspect is something I've wondered about; Would it be easier to cope with, that way (not the whole High speed aspect, JUST the last minute/no notice part)?

I guess I'll find out, won't I?

8 comments:

jenn said...

oh sam!!
praying for you all!!!

Erin said...

Either way you do it, deployment sucks. And it really sucks not knowing how much time you have till the last minute. That has got to be so stressful!

Hannah said...

What a positive, motivating perspective. I hope that this next D goes well and is just a short time before you two are together again. You two will be in my thoughts!

hmb said...

Sorry boo :(

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Boo, I'm sorry to hear that he's going out again. Enjoy the 4 day though!

Mrs. B said...

deployment is a very scary thing. BUT if he DOES have to go, you can come back and visit me :)

Mrs. P said...

Looking back on all of our deployment prep last year I really wish it wouldn't have been so drawn out. I felt like the pre-deployment was by far the worst part of the whole thing (except for the last week before homecoming)!!!

I'm sorry to hear that he's heading out again.

You're positivity and strength is amazing and I admire you for it!

TASS said...

He is pretty moto so I wouldn't worry. Plus, your hubs is not one to take BS no matter where is he or who he is with! Hooooooooahhhhhh or Aieyaaaaaaaa. Not sure if I spelled that correctly, it's been 7 years since I said that! HAAAAA! Love you :o)