yuck

I feel craptastic today. Yesterday evening I attempted to go to Aspen with a friend of mine for a long weekend. It was a huge, GIANT sized failure. As we approached 8400 Feet (Woodland Park, Co) I started feeling really awful: lightheaded, nauseous, tired-- overall crappy! So we stop in Woodland Park about 40 mins into our trip and get something to eat and feed the kiddos... this is where everything went bad!
First of all, if you ever find yourself hungry in Woodland Park Colorado avoid the Wendy's like the plague. I was no impressed. They "forgot" the cheese on my "cheeseburger". C'mon seriously. Anyway, I ordered a sprite with my "cheese-less-cheeseburger" hoping that would settle my tum-tum. Nope. I proceeded to vomit in their less than spot-less latrine. Talk about making an already unpleasant experience worse. Bleh- no thanks. So I tell my friend I really don't think it's smart for me to continue. I tell her to continue you to Aspen and I'll call my mommy for a ride. I've always known that my Mommy would come get me anyplace I needed, under any circumstances. She's cool like that.

After I got home I had a piece of bread (gotta get something in my stomach right?) and pound water (gotta re-hydrate, right?). Then I proceeded to fall asleep at 830 pm. I slept for about 11 hours and got up a lil after 7 this AM. I'm still not 100% maybe about 75-80%.
I wish my hubby was here. I'm the worlds-worst sick person. I just want someone to pat my forehead with a cold damp towel and bring me Gatorade with a straw (you know so I don't have to actually sit up to drink it). Oh, 800 mg of Motrin... because that fixes everything... right? No? Well I guess it couldn't hurt. May help with the headache (woo hoo found a justification for Vitamin M).

Day 105: Bout half way.

Yeah, it's been one hundred and five days, already. 105 days ago my husband left for Afghanistan on this fourth deployment. 105 days ago I was a hot mess. Today, I'm not a hot mess (but getting hotter... woo woo)! Today I'm living life and trying to roll with the punches in the best ways I know how. I'm losing weight and I intend to continue down this same path! I'm working on my tan, obviously this is a huge priority. I'm going to school. I'm working hard and bringing home some of my own bacon! Yeah, I'm having a good deployment. I say we're forced into these crap-tastic, lengthy periods of time without our spouses we might as well enjoy what we can.*

I say in the title "bout half way", because we're about half way to R&R. We're looking forward to Vegas!!

Can I also just say I'm looking forward to tomorrow. "Why?" I'm sure you're wondering. Well, I'll tell you. Tomorrow is cheat day for my diet. I'm looking forward to pasta (yummm) and ice cream. Maybe beer. (I know I'm classy. Get over yourself we can't always be elegantly sipping Pinot.)


*Just because I can manage to enjoy myself doesn't me I don't love my husband. It just means I know how to be by myself. I've always been a person who needs some alone time to reflect, decompress and relax. It's how I roll. ;)

The Realness

I miss my husband. I miss him more when I have an itch, I can't scratch (on my back- you pervs) at 11:00 PM. I've had the opportunity to speak with him quite a bit when I'm sitting around really wanting his opinion on something I haven't had to wait too terribly long to get it, so I can't really complain on that front. I do just miss his company, in the car, in the kitchen, at the dinner table, in bed to snuggle with... I have to say, we do the whole pre-deployment-fighting-wonderfulness. The ownership for that belongs to both of us. It's not all him but it's not all me either. We come together in the end, we do eventually see the bigger picture! My point being that while we do love each other we fully understand the other's faults and shortcomings and today I'm missing him.

(and I missed him ALOT last night when I couldn't reach that spot on my back!)

German Wine

Friday night I had just settled in for the night (aka took my bra off already), made peace with the fact that I'd be chillin' by my lonesome and was going through the process of picking out some chick-flick to keep me busy until bed time... when a new friend M, invited me over for some wine with a couple of other girls. Usually I limit myself to 2 drinks, I don't like to get buzzed or tipsy, or (God-forbid) Drunk... no no, that's just not my style. However, M and I were sipping our glasses of wine, as a lady should as soon as I stood up after my 2 drink limit to hit the little girls room I was already buzzed. EEkkk... this 30% wine is no joke people. I proceeded to have another 2 glasses (I think) and some bread (carbs are a must when one drinks, right?) (does that mean this evening with friends, wine and bread counts as Communion? Just saying...). Needless to say good times were had by all!

I've been lucky enough to speak with Kevin quite a bit since he's been gone. He finally met up with his company and is getting to know the guys on his maintenance team. Seems like there's less structure with this group of guys than the team he was on in Colorado- time will tell though.

Other than alllll of that exciting news there isn't too much to report. Still waiting to hear back on that job. I think the hiring official with the contractor was out of the office the end of last week. GRRrr. I love waiting. It's my favorite.

And he's....

Gone.




Maybe Bone Thugs n Harmony isn't your cup of tea... but right now I can't find a more fitting song. 


That could have something to do with the fact that my husband texted me from "parts-unknown" telling me to look up this song and he was dedicating it to me. But then again, could have something to do with the chorus:

If I had one wish
That wish would be clear
That I would not have to go
That I could stay here
And although it hurts me
To leave you all alone
Just know I'll come back for you
For now I'm gone.

It's strange I didn't completely flip my shit until I heard this song. I was 'ok' until I got home and found his dirty draws on the bathroom floor this song. 


I miss him already. 

I LOVE Bavaria

Really what's not to love!?

Picture it, a lazy Thursday afternoon at home in Baumholder, Germany. The hubs and I have barely said 2 words to each other all day because you know- we're being lazy and just bored witless. I see a commercial on AFN for Edelweiss..... I've heard of Edeweiss before and been told how amazing it is. I'd looked into booking a room 2 separate occasions before with no luck (nothing available). So I went over to the Edelweiss website and plugged all of our info in, and sure enough they had available rooms (shocking, for a Thursday night)! So we QUICKLY got our shizzle together, fueled up and got on the road. We didn't get checked in until about 830 pm, you see it's a 5 hour treck from Baumholder to Garmisch... the drive was a God-awful experience but it was ultimately VERY worth it.

We immediately feel in LOVE with Edelweiss, it has a very relaxing, welcoming vibe. We weren't there an hour and already made plans to go back for Christmas (and got details on how to go about booking a room for that)! Because I'm kind of a dumbass I failed to take exterior pics of the hotel, but the lobby was gorgeous:

We only had enough time to eat, explore what the resort has to offer (arcade for kids, casino for adults, multiple restaurants and bars, SPA, pool, gym.....), grab a few drinks then get to bed- that drive was rough. haa. We had to get up early Friday to see anything and get home in a timely fashion, we were up at 6AM got ourselves looking acceptable for being out in public, hit up the breakfast buffet and then made our way out. But not before the view from our room stole our breath away:

Amazing, right?

So we had to get home at a somewhat reasonable hour but I knew being so close we just had to stop by Neuschwanstein Castle (you may know it because it's inspiration behind the Disney Castle). I'm so glad we went it was amazing! Again with absolutely awesome views. I can see with King Ludwig had it built there (although he only live in Neuschwanstein for 170 days).

I told you the views were awesome.

The castle, itself wasn't too bad either..
Unfortunately we didn't have much time to explore the exterior of the castle as the Army intervened and we had to go running.... Such is life, right?
We did, however take the tour of the completed rooms of the interior castle (yeah, you read that right the entire castle wasn't completed before King Ludwig's "suspicious" death). You aren't permitted to take photos of the interior of the castle (not sure why- I was afraid to ask, our guide reminded me of the creepy weird character from Lord of the Rings- Galum?). But you could take pictures from the interior of the castle of the views...

my favorite pic from the trip.

The last few pictures were of King Ludwig's childhood home Schloss Hohenschwangau. These photos were taken from Neuschwanstein, they are very close together. I picked up a few books on the history of the castle (the guided tour was just hard to follow with our Galum-like tour guide... still creeps me out) and can't wait to fill in a few of the blanks.

We had to leave Neuschwanstein quickly but it's ok because I KNOW we'll be back. I can't wait to tour Hohenschwangau, walk the bridge (pictured above), and spend more time taking in the views and snapping a few more photos with my love.

Yea, I know it's a CLOSE up, but there's only so much you can do when you're forced to travel alone and you have this bulky DSLR. I still love it! :)

Moody

So I've been in a funky mood lately. I find myself without anything nice to say (hence the lack of posts lately). In the absence of anything nice to say I figured I'd share some pics with you all from our trip to Baden Baden a few weeks ago.

The hubs and I had been aching to get out of the house and we had a four day the weekend before Valentine's day so we figured lets just jump in the car and go. We had heard Baden Baden had great spas and we figured could there be any better way to celebrate our V-day? So we booked a room and headed down there. Little did we know (or fully think through) that this was A: the most pompous and expensive town around and B: the spas would obviously be all booked up with it being Valentine's Weekend- Duh...

The fun (and by "fun" I mean our first blow-out with our Garmin GPS) started on the drive down Friday night. We were blindly trusting our GPS to get us there without nervous breakdowns, trips out of the country, in the fastest, most fuel efficient way possible; something we would later learn was too much to ask of our dear sweet Garmin (maybe if I say nice things about her she won't cause me future headaches haha). We were driving along going through an awful lot of Villages... this only bothered me because it slowed us down- at first. Then after we leave one village we were on some anchient one-way-both-ways road and I bust out my handy-dandy iphone to see (where the hell we really are) and realize ummmm... we're literally ON the boarder with France. Swell. Queue nervous breakdown. We enter another village and what do I see?

Not my photo, I didn't have time during my Nervous Breakdown
to snap a photo

Swell, so we've now entered into France. Me without my Passport. YAY! How could this be better? So we've now successfully smuggled our way into France now we have to follow our evil loving GPS back into Germany (as that is where Baden Baden is). The entire 10 minutes we were in France I was very high strung. We now have learned to view the entire route of our trip before we hit the road- blindly trusting the GPS is bad.

All the same we made it back into Germany without problem. We knew they had a Casino and while packing I had this instinct the Casino would be high-class, versus our Vegas ways... I suggested Kevin pack something fancy-pants but he said noooo I have jeans and a button up shirt. Yeah...that was a no go. Turns out this was once the only Casino open in Germany and all the celebrity types would frequent it, "very James Bond" as we were told by one of many sales men we encountered while trying to purchase my husband a pair of slacks under 100 Euros. We spent saturday walking the streets of Baden Baden, eating and shopping. Saturday night we hit the Casino. Another interesting story: did you know Roulette pays 35/1?? Yea... I do! I was playing our anniversary (the 15th) for a few mins... of course it didn't hit. I say to myself "screw this table!" so we move to the next table and watch what's happening. I turn to get 5 or 10 Euro's from Kevin because I just KNEW 15 would hit, but he left me.... to see what else was going on. Guess what... 15 hit and continued to hit on every table but one! HA! At least we were > < this close to making some nice cash... right?

Anyway we made the best of our Valentines weekend and all in all Baden Baden wasn't too bad

Church

Outside of Casino

Casino Interior

Ooops, did I forget to mention how amazing and breath-taking the interior of the Casino was? My bad...

The D-Word

So it only took 2 months and 7 days since arriving in Baumholder for serious talks of Deployment to start. The Army being what the Army is, we of course, know nothing concrete. I don't know if I'll have 2 days, 2 hours, or 2 months with my husband before he leaves on his 4th deployment. I know that Kevin has been lucky in regards to dwell time and stabilization, in comparison to others. He wasn't caught up in the troop surge. He wasn't extended to 18 months like some families I know. But the reality of "this is really happening, again" just hit me. I lost hope this morning, of spending his birthday with him this year, or mine, and most likely our anniversary.

Here I am, after surviving Kevin's last deployment of 355 days, only looking at (approx.) 275 days without my love and I'm feeling lucky, scared, deprived and proud. I'm Lucky because we've had the last 547 days together and we're only facing 275 days apart. I'm Scared because we're all people, human, regardless of age, time in grade, enlisted or officer, we all love our husbands and worry the same way. I feel Deprived because I have no solid information as to when Kevin will be leaving (things are still up in the air); we have a 4-day this weekend. A 4-day we could venture to Paris or Munich, but we'll spend it close to home.... waiting. I feel Proud because, to this day there is nothing I've done that I'm more proud of then standing by (behind, whichever adjective you prefer) my husband, supporting him throughout his deployments.

I've often wondered if life would be easier for the Pamela and Chase's out there; the Delta's (hush hush, shhh) leaving on a moment's notice. You don't have this 3 month pre-deployment build up of non-sense to deal with. You get to rip the bandaid and press on with business. Of course, the grass isn't always greener- I understand that the "high speed" fellas (as I like to refer to them) do a lot more training (as they should, they're high speed after all) a lot more deployments (lest they be shorter, but different missions, ect). I really don't need all the spouses of the high speed fella's coming out of the wood work to explain the differences to me, trust me I get them and I fully respect them. I'm just saying this one aspect is something I've wondered about; Would it be easier to cope with, that way (not the whole High speed aspect, JUST the last minute/no notice part)?

I guess I'll find out, won't I?

Bickering McBickerson's.

Hello, my name is Samantha and I'm kind of narcotic. I'm mostly(totally playing) happily married to Kevin, who is usually easy-going, laid back, et cetera, et cetera... My hubs is not perfect but neither am I. Lately the un-perfect sides of us have been butting heads more than the perfect-for-eachother sides of us making nice with each other. 


Now don't go and get up on your high horse; judging me. Evidently I'm a flawed person and so is my husband. We fight, we argue and we bicker. If you don't... well then good for you. But here at the McBickerson's that's how we roll. We may do all this bickering but we love each other. I've found that after we grew out of our "honeymoon" phase we learned more about each other, became closer and loved each other more. 


Enough explanating our normal behavior. I have to say I'm not really enjoying the amount of bickering going on lately here in The McBickerson's. The stress from leaving the family, moving 6,000 miles away from anything familiar, THEN being cramped into 300 sqft for 43 days is a recipe for disaster. 


Well, my name is Samantha and I'm a Bickering McBickerson. First step to every 12-step program in America is admitting you have a problem, right!? 
 

The Trifecta

The Trifecta: No Dog. No Husband. No Sleep.

All that plus being in a strange bed in a house I haven't slept in, in over 4 years... last night sucked. You'd think that would be an aspect of my life I'd grow used to. You'd think. Maybe it's only a matter of time? Maybe some are just better at that aspect than I am?

On top of that, I'm usually pretty spirited about Christmas. This year it's just something I probably won't be able to celebrate. I'm just wondering why the retailers are torturing me with Christmas decor?

(short story: I was walking through Target last Thursday with Erin and LB noticing all the decor and talking about what gifts we'd purchase this year. Well, all of it was really overwhelming. I want to decorate my house for Christmas like I did last year. Nevertheless, I was pouting in the Target. I was so sad that I couldn't really participate. Sucks.)

I wish they just could have held off until after I left the country. Whenever I leave the house I have reminders everywhere I go that I won't be home for Christmas (and all that comes along with it). On top of not being home Kevin and I may not have any of our household good until December 29th... yea, do the math.

I'm trying to remind myself that it's going to be great. It'll be Kevin and I, and we're make it special just by being together. Ho, Ho, Ho.

So much crap- so little time!

I've been busy. Just the other day I was saying that I wished I just had nothing to do. I keep reminding myself that at least we have the means to get things accomplished and that's more than some; I'm We're lucky.

Moving on, LB made me two camera straps for my Cannon. I <3 her! Spent too much time in Target (really it started to feel claustrophobic... yeah... was there too long)... thanks to LB and Erin. They don't blog much (lately), as you can see because they're busy spending time with yours truly and planning my surprise going away party (I say again, surprise, lol)!

My mother made a good point the other day (as she often does): I'm giving up practically everything I've ever owed for the new adventure of moving to (and living in) Germany. So far, I'm down one dog (={) and one house (bouncing around in spare rooms). As of tomorrow I'll be down my car! I'm good with saving the money but I sorta hate my husbands Jetta; it's not comfortable and it's far too low to the ground (especially in comparison to my SUV). Again... gotta remind myself we are so lucky to have two cars, some people don't have one... suck it up Sam!

The hubs is trying to talk me into getting a new computer. I'm torn. Maybe now isn't the time? But we went and look at Best Buy to see what's up. I've only blogged, virtually begged for a MacBook for AGES. But I'm having a hard time lately justifying the cost. After speaking with very knowledgeable Matt (at Best Buy) for a messily two hours I'm stuck between these two:

Sony- Vaio Laptop

(14" display, 4GB Memory, 500GB Hard Drive)

$799.99

Apple- MacBook Pro

(13.3" display, 4GB Memory, 256GB Hard Drive)

$1199.99

My new buddy Matt recommended the MacBook Pro because of my new affection for picture-taking, for it's editing capabilities (which come installed). You may think, if you're problem is the cost of the Mac's... go for the all-white MacBook and not the Pro. Well, our buddies at Best Buy offer/honor a military discount on Mac's (not on the Sony) which would amount to $100 off the Pro, bringing it down from $1200 to 1100- the MacBook is at $1000. The Pro is made of aluminum versus the plastic on the MacBook and you get 2 more GB's of Memory on the Pro... so it's worth the extra $100. But is the Pro at $1100 worth it, in comparison to the Sony at $800? 

Decisions.... Decisions... 

Incase I forgot to mention it in the last 14 paragraphs the hubs is out to the field for the next week -- his last week in the shop and he's out in the field. Next Monday he starts clearing! Ekk! 

Good times and Free Stuff!

First and foremost I must announce the winner of my Simply Bags giveaway!

The Doll from Shepdogg: One P, Double G 

you will soon be the proud owner of your very own personalized, insulated lunch bag! I will contact you soon with additional information.

Thank you to everyone that participated and for showing your love to Simply Bags. I have a feeling they'll be getting some of my money very soon!! I'm still eying some of these bags! 

I hope you all had a great weekend. I know I did. Kevin finally had a full weekend home from the evil field! I wish he wouldn't have come in at 130 Friday AM though... I didn't sleep right with him in the bed... sharing is not a strong suit for me especially when it comes to the bed/pillows! 

All the same we kicked the weekend off with Fort Carson's Run/Walk for the Fallen. This the second year in a row we participated. We went last year a short 4 days after Kevin's redeployment. This year was a big more emotional for me. I saw a few faces and names I recognized. It was very sad. On Memorial Day I blogged about Sgt Matthew Ingram and his widow, my friend Holly. I spent a lot of time thinking about their family Saturday. You see not only had I known them and saw Matt's picture at the Walk, Saturday (8.21) just happened to be one year since Matt died in Afghanistan. Holly was with family on Saturday and that's probably the most anyone in her shoes could hope for. 

Still it was moving to be apart of it for another year:

Lots of people

Soldier running for all of 2-12 Fallen;
In the Tan is the Post Commanding General

Brody getting some love from Walk kids!

We really did have a great time and were so glad to be there participating!

Thankfully after such a somber event our day took a much brighter turn. Kevin and I planned a night away. We headed toward Denver, after a stop at the Outlet Mall in Castle Rock (and scoring an amazing new pair of Under Armour flip flops) we made it to Denver and finally I reunited with my beloved Pinkberry! I've blogged about my love affair with Pinkberry many times. When we were in San Diego for the 4th of July we went to Pinkberry (you know, because it's a HUGE deal out there) and they didn't have my FAV Pomegranate flavor. Jerks! They had the gall to tell me it was "Seasonal". Ppsshh! Well my new favorite Pinkberry had my Pomegranate with Capt'n Crunch for me in the middle of August! I love it, it was amazing. YUMM. Kevin laughed, at me. I'm ok with that though. It was that good!

We finally made our way to our hotel relaxed poolside in a hammock for a while then headed out for the night. We stopped at Lila B's for a quick drink where we had a great bartender, who somehow (I may have indirectly, possibly dared them into it... but who really knows) wound up giving us free shots to prove he was better at making them than his bartender buddy (from upstairs, Thomas). After the drinks at the bar we had an amazing dinner at Lucy's and headed to Comedy Works for our main event! We saw Greg Giraldo, from The Last Comic Standing. He was hilarious. 

The Hubbin and I had a great time. It was so great to get out of town even for just a night. Sorry I don't have pictures but like the crazy lady I am I forgot our new Camera! BOO! 

I hope everyone had a great weekend just as I did and that some of you (unlike me) found the time to bake yourself some Red Velvet Cupcakes! Get to it ladies! Can't wait to hear what you think of the recipe. I'll get mine knocked out this week!! 

What a Difference a Year Makes

One year ago today my husband returned from a year long deployment to Iraq. He should have been home a year ago, yesterday. But we know how the Army operates on their own schedule, with no regard to what I may want. Jerks. HA!

That was one of the most special days. It was hands-down the best day of my life, to date. (yes, this includes our wedding day) I've never experienced such a variety of emotions all at once like that. Relief, nervousness, excitement, anxiousness... patience was no where in my hodgepodge of emotion, sadly. I mean seriously if only patience was the normal, given emotion for that situation. Because you know we're on the Army's time here. Nothing happened on time, it was always "just a little while longer". It wasn't as poorly organized as my Brother-in-laws redeployment ceremony but it definitely wasn't good times.

I was so lucky to have my family around though. I don't know what I would have done all day if I didn't have my Mother and Father-in-law to keep me occupied and LB to visit in the hospital that day.

Today, even though my husband has been in the field for most of the last 3 months I am still grateful that he's home.

(don't forget to enter my giveaway gals!! Closes the 22nd!)

Happy Girl

I'm a happy girl, folks!

There's a soft rain falling outside, my husband is out of my hair upstairs, the house is clean and I can just relax the  rest of the weekend away! :)

I woke up this morning feeling rather unmotivated to breathe or move or think or do anything really. I'm not sure if it was he thought of having to wake up tomorrow and head back out to work or the fact that Aunt Flo came a few days early- I hate when she just pops in.... She's evil. All the same, after the hubs and I had breakfast outside on the back porch he asked what else I had to get done today. "Bathrooms." I told him. Boooo! Since I was so unmotivated he said he would clean the bathroom. For my husband, this is a big deal. In the last five years my husband has never cleaned a bathroom.

You guys know how I've been wanting/needing new pots and pans? I decided today was the day! Went to one discount place bu they didn't have all the pieces as a matter of fact they only had 3 of 12 pieces. So my husband (who has a habit of loosening he purse strings a little way too easily) suggests we try Bed Bath and Beyond. Of course we found something there! A Stainless Steel, Non-Stick Calphalon set. Only $500.

I soon stumbled across a great stainless steel set at Kohls for $140. The Calphalon's are going back tomorrow. I know it's a great brand but $140 is more my budget.

Also, can anyone explain to me why this broad I saw at the UFC fight last nigh waltzes' in alone with her jeans painted on her ass and her "MMA" jersey tied up revealing her mid-drift with her Coach Bag, Coach case for her Blackberry, Coach bracelet and Gucci classes?? Questionable.

We're Beautiful

seee.... Told ya! 

Thanks to one of my favorite people on the planet! 

I Want it Wednesday...

Today I Want for nothing materialistic. 

Today I Want to be thankful for all that I do have and not truly Want for more.

Today I am thankful and content and grateful. 

Today you should all know after a year and a half of looking everywhere I could think of, I've finally landed a job. Yes that's right people. It's a temporary position filling in for someone going away on reserve duty for 5-7 weeks. I don't have the exact dates yet but what I do know is that it's good money and will buy me some time. I was also told that the last 2 people that filled in for this person were offered permanent positions within the company. 

When it rains it pours. 

After I got the called telling me an offer letter was on it's way to me. I got another call for a phone interview today! 

I am thankful that I've turned a corner with my job search. 

One thing I can tell you that I do Want... I Want my husband to pursue what he's passionate about. I want him to be clear (for both of us) what he wants for his future and GO GET IT! Because, I know he can. 

Happy Wednesday. 

I Want it Wednesday...

I want...

I want...

I think I actually NEED this! 

I'm pretty sick of getting into the car to go to the gym and finding my iPod DEADER than a doornail!

I want...

everyone to know that although we originally thought my hubs wouldn't be here for my birthday he is going to be back from JRTC TOMORROW!!! 

Which means, he'll be home for the first time since I've met him for my BIRTHDAY!!! 

And it's a big one too...

the BIG 2-5! 

I'm growin' up.

Don't miss it people... it's this Saturday, May 1st (of course)! 

We all know I'm mildly obsessed with Apple products so if you're feelin' generous go ahead and pick up whatever you'd like and we'll be sure to get it to me. 

tee hee