Military Wife Complaints

zSo, do you guys know the military spouse that complains about EVERYTHING: TriCare, MyCAA, employment opportunities, housing, MP, neighbors, uniforms, deployments, Military OneSource.... the list can go on and on and on; it's never ending. I don't know about you guys but I have found far to many martyrs in our ranks. (I'm sure this will be another of my unpopular opinions, so be it). I'm kind of over it. I get it's tough. I get some have it tougher than others. Honestly, I don't want to hear "woe is me" all the time. I am a firm believer is none of us our victims of our choices; we chose to be where we are, therefore you should embrace it. All of it. The good with the bad. Furthermore, I don't feel TriCare is the devil. I was raised a military brat; with doctors on base, in uniform passing out 800 milligrams of Motrin (aka Vitamin M) like it's candy. However, there are downfalls to all insurance companies ::cough cough:: premiums ::cough cough::

I have just come to the conclusion that some people will never be satisfied. Some people will always concentrate on the negative verses the positive. Some people will bitch and whine regardless of all their blessings.

My favorite complaint is how the military moves our active spouse around all the time making it impossible for the milspouse to maintain a career. As valid as this may be... I say "So what?" I was raised by a working-milspouse-mother and an active duty service member. I know many other career oriented, working military spouses. It's do-able. However, you do have to choose a practical (to the lifestyle) career. I always hear "But then you throw kids in the mix.." following the "I can't find or maintain a career" argument. I kind of feel like these constantly complaining milspouses won't be satisfied until they are provided salaries as there active counterparts are. It bugs me.

I feel as an Army wife I support my husband, I maintain the household, pay the bills, I miss and I worry for my husband while he's deployed. I fight for my marriage when he's home and we battle through reintegration. HOWEVER, I will never sacrifice or serve the way my husband does. He earns the paycheck- I do not. There is a huge leap from the soldier to the spouse.

Again this is my opinion based off complaints of milspouses that I know.

This is my life because I chose it knowingly. I complain to. This is not holier than thou vice woe is me. I get that nothing is perfect. My point is simply that this life verses any other is no better or worse. All lifestyles have problems and ups and downs, positives versus negatives. This is life.

Count your blessings. That is all.

So Dramatic

I have a couple questions. I tend to have unpopular opinions. I'm starting to think that's only because I don't understand things thoroughly.
(versus the alternative, which is that I'm just a shitty-judgemental person)
So, I'm turning a new leaf. I'll start asking more questions, hoping to to inspire more conversation; versus vomiting up my unpopular opinions.

About two weeks ago the milspouse blogosphere was all "atwitter" when we read Jessica's post, "A Final Goodbye". I have to say I was first and foremost worried for her, and also saddened to hear of her plan and the douchebaggary her husband pulled. In the days that followed I've seen a lot about support for military spouses and whining within our ranks, "what about us!" Oh, and the unforgettable "It could've been me!"
Question one: Say what??
Question two: 
I know the initial question "what about us" is more about programs and emphasis being placed on what the families go through and programs directed at our mental health stability.
What's wrong with MilitaryOneSource? Personally, I've used their services before. Simple. Easy. Effective. Call the number (1-800-342-9647), tell them (it's humbling I know) that you're in need of a counselor/ therapist for ______reason. You'll be transferred to someone who'll ask you for additional information in regards to your specific problems and information (this individual was caring and supportive to me and my situation). Eventually, they'll provide you with options of a counselor in your area, even help you to schedule your first appointment.
Additionally, you can just call TriCare directly and ask for a list of all the approved therapists/counselors in your area... you get a bunch of number and options, call them, set up an appointment and press on with business. Easy breezy!
Question three: How does being a milspouse automatically mean you'd be in her situation with a husband that cheats and treated her poorly? I don't know Jessica. Outside of all the detail she provided in that "A Final Goodbye" post I don't know any details of her life. Aside from both being married to soldiers her and I don't have anything in common (that I know of). I'm not sure how her situation automatically makes all milspouses susceptible to suicide/ mental illness. I feel like, all of the "That could be me" happening is a way for people to take away from Jessica's very real pain and for some reason (that escapes me) pull the attention from Jessica .

Let me just say for all the people out there that are enraged: I am by no means judging Jessica. I genuinely sympathize and empathize with her. I am concerned and sad for her. I'm no stranger to suicide and mental illness. I also feel that she deserves all the support and encouragement that she can find! Furthermore, I love that so many bloggers rallied around her during this very difficult time in her life.

Donald Trump.
Question one: WTF?
Question two: Why do people think the president has any control over the price of gas? The oil industry consists of private businesses. I made the comment to a friend yesterday, I'm (legitimately) shocked that such a successful man can make such stupid comments. I suppose President Obama can release the oil reserves, which would raise the supply (we all know about supply and demand), inturn lowering the cost of oil domestically. However, that doesn't really seem like such a brilliant idea to me. I think we all know from middle school that oil is a nonrenewable recourse. Once we exhaust what our planet has to offer then.... we'll be... screwed-ola. Outside of releasing the reserves the president has no control of the price of anything... I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Can we ask Mr. Obama to lower the price of DSLR camera's. Shit, I really wish they were much cheaper... just sayin'.
Question three: Why won't he just go away or at least add some mildly educated point to the political debate?

Joining Forces

Did you catch The View today? First Lady, Michelle Obama and Second Lady, Dr. Jill Biden were on with the other ladies of The View to discuss their new initiative to gain support from the other 98% of Americans for our service members and their families. Mrs. Obama and Dr. Biden created this new initiative called Joining Forces.

"Joining Forces is a national initiative that mobilizes all sectors of society to give our service members and their families the opportunities and support they have earned." 

I'm down for spreading awareness about what we military families experience and encouraging more more American's support. But honestly I have my doubts about this program. The website for Joining Forces is great, it's user friendly and easy to navigate. It provides links for people to share their messages of support and (my favorite part) to the Serve.gov website. Serve.gov is great as well, you can type in your zip code and find out what the opportunities in your area are to get involved with supporting the military within your own community. You can initiate your own project to help support the military and gain support within your community. I love the options that are available.... I can only hope that people will take advantage of these sites and find ways to get involved.

I have my doubts because we all too often here "well, they volunteered" which, obviously I know... but I hate the meaning behind it. They volunteered, so why should I care... so why should they get special treatment... so why should I pay for their healthcare...! I think each of us military spouses have complained about the same topic in one way or another. All the same... this attitude is the same reason why I'm apprehensive about Joining Forces. Still, I'll remain hopeful that these program will inspire someone to get involved that wasn't so moved before.

A message from Deputy Secretary of Defense

I know there is a lot of division and misinformation out there in regards to the impending government shutdown- well, hopefully Congress will do what the hell they're supposed to and reach an agreement on their (WAY) overdue budget. We can't count on that because they get paid out of emergency funds (just as the President would) if there is a shutdown. Anyway... back to the message from the Deputy Secretary of Defense William J. Lynn III. You can find it in it's entirety here. Basically the Deputy lays out what can be expected for both active duty and civilian personnel if there is a shutdown:

“Operations and activities that are essential to safety, protection of human life, and protection of our national security, are ‘excepted’ from shutting down.  The DoD will continue to conduct activities in support of our national security, including operations in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Japan; Libya-related support operations; and other operations and activities essential to the security of our nation.  The department must also continue to provide for the safety of human life and protection of property."

Which means the operations themselves will be financed. The personnel are a different story:


“Military personnel are not subject to furlough and will report for duty as normal during the shutdown.  Reserve component personnel should refer to the DoD Contingency Guidance document and to their chain of command for more specific information. 


“If the government shuts down due to the absence of funding, the DoD will have no funds to pay military members or civilian employees for the days during which the government is shut down.  However, both military and civilian personnel will receive pay for the period worked prior to the shutdown.  Military personnel, and civilians occupying excepted status positions and required to work, are entitled to be paid for work performed during the shutdown, and will be paid retroactively once the department receives additional funding.  Congress would have to provide authority in order for the department to retroactively pay non-excepted employees for the furloughed period.  

I hope this is helpful to my milspouses out there. It appears grim to me but if the posturing continues in Washington and a shutdown takes place we can all hope that it'll be short-lived and have a relatively low impact on all those effected; lets not forget this is a Government wide shutdown affecting not only the Department of Defense but all others as well, families who rely on pay from their positions in the Department of Energy, or Transportation (for example) will also be affect.

I just keep reminding myself to count my blessings: I have a warm place to sleep and food in my belly. When the food runs out I have a savings (what's it for after all?) and a credit card. My pops always told me "Failure to plan is planning to Fail." Sometimes it sucks being a grownup because you have to be prepared with contingencies for the worst case scenario. Lucky for me I had great advice from my father. :)

We'll suck it up and drive on like we always do, right? I would remind everyone to get your news from reliable sources, as well as verify and research what you do find.

PS: I got an email from the FRG in Baumholder that some services on post would be affected by the shutdown, check with your FRG to see if services in your area are also going to be canceled/delayed or otherwise affected.

Goodbye v. See ya' round

So we're leaving right? I mentioned the other day that this stage of our PCS is rather pre-deployment-esque.  Now, before anyone goes and gets their panties all in a twist, I know that no one is going off to part-unknown filled with danger. However, there are major "Good-byes" in my future. So what I'm referring to with the pre-deployment reference is that, I know it's coming, I know it's not going to be fun but for goodness sakes I just want to get it over with already. It's time. Sometimes it's best to just tear the band aid off you know?
With all of that said I am spending ever minute I have with my nephews and my friends. I am going to miss so much with everyone I know (LB's prego once again and I'll miss baby showers and births and shopping sprees and name discussions. Nathan starts basketball after Christmas. Logan will be crawling and walking before we know it. Have I mentioned that I'll miss Christmas? haa). At the same time I am not the kind of gal to build these strong friendships, move away and just never speak to people again- it's not my style. IF I'm going to take the time to invest in you and in your life, and invite you into mine I expect and want you to stay in mine.
The sad part of this is that it seems some of my bestest of friends have already cut their losses and pretend I'm already gone and semi-unreachable It sucks when people you care so much for disappoint you. Yet, you cannot make anyone a priority who only makes you an option.
Some people don't really believe in "good-bye" its always this "I'll see ya later" nonsense. To me, it's what you say when you leave a friend's house, or hang up the phone. "Good-bye" is simply a fact of life. I think it hurts more depending on the circumstances but it's always there. On the other hand, I love the idea of this "I'll see ya later" business. I just kinda think it's a cop out... some kinda of coping mechanism. All I truly and honestly know is that whatever I say verbally, I'm going to quite possibly balling my eyes out (literally) but it'll definitely be happening on the inside.

It's BaaaaCCKk!

Hey MilSpouses, I received the following email from MYCAA this morning:

MyCAA Update

DoD will resume the MyCAA program. The Department of Defense has completed the program review and will be making the necessary adjustments to resume the MyCAA program beginning in October 2010.

Starting 8 a.m. (EDT) Monday October 25, 2010, Military OneSource career and education counselors will have a much more active role in supporting military spouses. In addition to understanding resources available via DoD's financial aid support, they will provide support and assistance to identify and gain access to other federal, state, and local programs. All military spouses of active duty service members will be eligible for career counseling and support.

New financial assistance guidelines. With a focus on the original intent of the program, the Defense Department's financial assistance program will:

Be available to spouses of active duty service members in pay grades E1-E5, W1-W2, and O1-O2

Offer a maximum financial benefit of $4,000 with a fiscal year cap of $2,000. Waivers will be available for spouses pursuing licensure or certification up to the total maximum assistance of $4,000

Require military spouses to finish their program of study within three years from the start date of the first course

Be limited to associate degrees, certifications, and licensures

These new guidelines reflect a return to the original purpose of the program - to assist spouses of service members in achieving portable careers. These changes also align the program with responsible fiscal planning by the Defense Department to help sustain the program. Additional program details will be posted on the Military OneSource Web site when they become available. We encourage you to check the site often.

Spouses who currently have an active account will be allowed to request financial assistance until Thursday, October 21, 2010. Beginning September 1, 2010, spouses may request financial assistance for classes that have a start date up to January 15, 2011. To ensure adequate time to plan for courses, no career plans will be accepted after August 31, 2010. All currently approved financial assistance documents will be honored.

Additionally, the review revealed that National Guard and Reserve members must be on active duty for their spouses to receive the MyCAA benefit. Spouses may no longer use the MyCAA benefit when the service member is in an alert or demobilization period. The new eligibility rule takes effect immediately.

The program will be closed from Friday, October 22 to Monday, October 25, 2010, so that we may ensure the infrastructure is in place to implement the new program.

Military spouses are the backbone for military families, displaying strength of character to be admired by this nation. The Department of Defense remains committed to investing in military families, and appreciates the sacrifice of those who also serve.

~~~

So, it's less than it once was, but it's progress and a step in the right direction. Lets just try to see the best in it before we all go off and tear "them" (the decision makers and such) to shreds. Let us also remember we do have the Post 9-11 GI Bill as an option also!

 

Thanks to everyone who entered my GIVEAWAY so far. I love all the ideas!

Anyone who is still interested in $15 gift card to CSN Stores please pop over and enter!

ARMY Stuff

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As we all (should) know last Monday (yes I'm late... get over it) was the Army's 235th Birthday.

The above picture is how some soldiers in Afghanistan celebrated.... with a 2.35 mile run!

I just needed to share the pic- thought it was amazing.

~

Have you heard about MSRRA? Or you know, Military Spouse Residency Relief Act? I'm not sure how much looking you've done into this program- if at all. But it is somethat that (in theory) would have benefitted me. You see my husband is an Oregon resident- born and raised there. Where as I've been in, and a resident of Colorado for-ever. Active duty military and non-state residents our charged a flat $30 to register their vehicles. But since our cars are only in my name and I am a resident we're charged, lets just say much more than $30. So when this MSRRA came around I was overjoined at the opportunity to change my residency to Oregon and save lots-o-monies on my vehicle registration!

Well, that's not so much how it works.

You cannot just randomly choose the same state as your soldier/active duty service member. But you CAN however, (not so randomly) choose residency at your current duty station and keep that residency as you PSC all over God's green earth. :)

This article was extremely helpful in clarifying the do's and don't's of MSRRA!

Thoughts and Prayers Please

A friend of mine received bad news last night. Her husband currently deployed to Iraq fell out of a tower. He is on his way to Lundstuhl and then back (thank God) on US soil. She received word that his back is broken. I don't have any other details.

This is obviously a very serious injury and I'm asking for prayers and thoughts to go out to the Cox family.

Thanks.

Gotta Say.... I'm pretty pissed

Prepare yourselves people.

(just a friendly, heads-up)

Anyone else follow Leftface?

Well, obviously now you know I do. The last few days the ladies over there have been pretty fired up. I definitely don't blame them. You see, back on the 4th LAW authored a post about the reprehensible conduct that took place on a US Airways flight leaving Washington's Reagan Int'l Airport (back in March). The readers digest version of what took place goes like this: 6 members of a fallen Marine's family were in Dover welcoming their Marine's body back to the US. They traveled from Dover to DC in order to fly with the remains back to their home. The reprehensible part: The airline asked for volunteers to get off the flight. 3 people volunteered. It wasn't until 30 mins and a tearful plea from a crew member that 3 other individuals were motivated to give up their seat. Let's think on that for a moment. 30 minutes.... seriously? What is wrong with people? If you would like to read the entire story (it's a good read... but, sad obviously) you can find it on the Washington Times.

Anyway, the ladies from LeftFace are up-in-arms today (and the last few days) due to some of the comments they've received since the 4 June story. I'm sure these won't come as any surprise, all of these shitty comments are things we've all heard before; "Suck it up." "There are those who “have greatest disdain” for the “special attention” being paid to anyone in the current military, especially the National Guard." and my personal fav "Quit Whining, you chose to be where you are." Like I said, I think we've all heard these things before (or something similar).

I really think in regards to the Washington Times story about Lance Cpl. Justin Wilson's family, this isn't about entitlement, special attention or receiving a free ride. It's about human decency. It's about this young (24 years old) Marine who gave his life for this country. It's about the 99% of Americans that don't serve and their concern (or lack thereof), respect (or lack thereof) and appreciation (or lack thereof) for our service members, their sacrifices and their families. Not to say that everyone without military affiliation just doesn't get it (or doesn't respect the military)... after all 3 people did jump up and offer their seats on the US Airways flight... and the 3 stragglers that eventually followed suit. I'm right there with you LAW it's reprehensible! It's unacceptable! I can only speak for myself but I would have JUMPED out of my seat and gladly (without hesitation) given it up for this, or any other of the 5517 according to icasualties.org families that have endured the same loss.

I think its time for the 99% to stop bitchin' about our bitchin'. I'm pretty sure EVERYONE chose to be where they are in their lives (in one way or the other), and I'm pretty sure that EVERYONE chooses to bitch about their lives at some point also. Traffic sucks. It's hot. It's cold. It's raining. I hate my job. I don't get paid enough. I want free health care. I can't afford my health care premiums/co-pays. My kids are rotten. My husband/wife/boy-/girlfriend and I are having problems. We have too much debt. Times are tough.

I have to quote Tucker (from LeftFace) "Of course, we volunteered for this, yes, we chose this life. BUT. That is the point. We did what no one wanted to do. We stood up and said, WE will bear this burden for you. We said its okay for you to stay home in your safe and cozy subdivision with your picket fence and American Dream, we’ll do annual deployments, sustain a marriage over the phone, run a household alone, miss holidays, miss births, cram in weddings on R&R, all while living in fear of a dark sedan, a knock on the door and a future as a Gold Star family." Our choice makes us different than you. I wish people would acknowledge the actually choice. The choice I made and more so the choice my husband made. Making the choice is the most honorable and selfless part in all of this. Have the courage and intestinal fortitude to choose this life and the risks is deserving, and warranted of everyone else' respect. Even silently. I (personally) don't need the "thank you for your service" 's. It's nice but really doesn't go that far when I'm sure at some point a stranger said the same thing to LCpl. Wilson's wife widow... but when she needed the support the yellow ribbon magnet on your car indicates you have it took too long for you to stand and offer it. Is too long semantics? Not at all. Not under these conditions.

I feel I have to expand on the fact that we (the spouse and the service member) chose to be where we are; doing what we do. There are some military and milspouses alike, that say they absolutely didn't chose this. There's a possibility for those who signed up prior to 2001 didn't know rucking up, kicking down doors, standing guard in a middle-eastern desert would be their reality. It's entirely possible, even probable they joined for the GI Bill. All the same. It's been 9 years people. Our military began Operation Enduring Freedom 7 Oct 2001, and Operation Iraqi Freedom began 20 Mar 2003. I'd say the standard enlistment lasts 4 years but we all know they own you for 8. Do the math. Anyone still in the military NOW has chosen to be there since these wars began. Which means, the service member, and spouse alike knew what they were getting themselves into. Deployments, training, reintegration, PTSD, et cetera and so forth. None of us are victims of a war we may or may not agree with.

It's simply apart of our reality. Everyday.

It's one of those aspects that speaks to the honor and bravery of the choice we made and continue to make.

You know, that choice that keeps 99% safe and sound at night, comfortable in their beds.

I prefer you count your blessings and quit bitching about my God given right to bitch about my life. I don't impose on your bitching.

Just my take.

Weigh in.

In Memorial

Today I have all of our men in women in the military in my thoughts. 

Today I am grateful and humbled by their service. 

Forgive me but I'd like to discuss a few I am associated with. 

on August 21st, 2009 Sgt. Matthew Ingram died in Chapa Dara, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle and his unit came under small fire from enemy forces.

I was at Matt's wedding; he married a good friend of mine, Holly in the summer of 2006. 

I have lost touch with Holly. Today I found her on Facebook, and hope to reconnect. 

The local news did a story on Matt and interview Holly last August, which is how I learned of his death. 

My heart goes out to Holly and her (now, year old) daughter Chloe.

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I have to also mention Mrs. Rachel Porto today. Visit her blog, here if you haven't already.

Johnny is in my thoughts today. As are you and Ariana. 

John William Finn

Medal of Honor earned by manning a machine gun from an exposed position throughout the attack, despite being repeatedly wounded. Through all of that he continued to serve in the Navy until the time of his retirement.

John Finn passed away at 100 years of age on 27 May 2010. 

He was the last Pearl Harbor Survivor. 

Take some time today to remember and appreciate the military who have given their lives for the freedoms we hold so dear. 

"Greater love hath no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends." John 15:13

From one spouse...

to another.

I'm going to dedicate today to a military spouse I've never met, and to those like her. Today, like many days before I'm thinking about Mrs. Rachel Porto. A lot of you know her story and follow her blog. Which is to say on Sunday 14 March, Rachael's husband, Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto was killed in Helmand Province Afghanistan in a roll-over accident. On March 17th "Mrs. P" blogged about her loss and has since shared her grief and love of Jonny with all of her readers. 

Just yesterday she posted links to her husband's burial service and a tribute made in his honor. I barely made out the sobs of from his family through my own. It was very moving. Jonny's father spoke towards the end of the service and expressed his gratitude for the outpouring of love his family had received, even said that the funeral home has his contact information if anyone wanted to get in touch with him. The part that touched me the most; literally took my breath away was when Rachel made her way to the podium to speak to the group. There's no words. I couldn't even imagine. Her grace and love of her husband really touched my soul. 

Today, as the days before she's a military spouse, a Marine spouse and she should be recognized and appreciated.

Happy Military Spouse appreciation day- I appreciate you all past and present. 

Rachel's Blog: A Little Pink in a World of Camo

Lady Friends

Do you have a group of very close girl-friends?

Maybe I'm the only on the outside looking in on this phenomena.

Somehow I doubt that.

It's pretty much bothered me since... the Sex and the City movie came out that I didn't have a GROUP of strong always-there-for-you girlfriends.

Don't get me wrong. I do have friends. I do have girl-friends. I am just very envious of the group.

Doesn't this make sense to anyone else out there?

I suppose I could get my random girlie-friends together. Then, in theory I'd have a GROUP.

Something that about always goes arye doesn't it?

Someone gets jealous.

Someone starts talking non-sense about someone else.

This has always been my experience with any group of females. Big or small. Old or young.

Am I wrong?

Has this been your experience?

Where does the group come from? One outsider (me) bringing random females together? Or do you have to come up with the same group, organically?

Here's my problem...

I OVER THINK IT!

(obviously)

I want this: 

Do you have a group? How'd you build it?

MilSpouses? Any specific advice when it comes to our unique pool of ladies to choose from? Enlisted verses Officer (personally I don't much care, if you're cool people than I'll kick it with just about anyone)? People constantly coming and going? How do you stay in touch? Does your group just GROW as you PCS? Or you still have that one group (such as the ladies above) that no one can penetrate?

I must go now. I have plans with Erin and MacKenzie. Chick-flick and SALAD.

We party HARD- evidently. WOO!

Some Stuff

Everyone watches Ellen, right?

If you don't...

You need to start.

She's hilarious and amazing!

Anywho... I was watching Ms. Ellen, she had Marie Tillman on the show today. This was Marie's first interview since her husband left the Arizona Cardnals to join the Army after the 9-11 attacks. Pat was tragically killed by friendly fire just two weeks into his second deployment. The Pat Tillman Fountation's main purpose is to support and provide assistance that would otherwise not be available to servicemembers and their families in order for them to attend college and receive their degrees.

Check out our the website here.

I went with my sister today to register for baby BOY necessities! You see we've registered once before but for baby girl thingies. Today was the day to rectify that situation.

It was good times.

PS: Kevin found the battery-charger for the camera. Tomorrow=Christmas decor pictures! Wooooo!

Incase you're crazy and unaware... tomorrow is also PAY-DAY!
~***~

Did anyone else hear that Stephen King paid $12,999 to get 150 guardsmen home for the holidays?
I think this is a great gesture.
I am confused why if these men and women were involved in training over the holiday why command is allowing it regardless of who is paying for it.
I know that, for instance, if Kevin were at NTC over the Christmas holiday they wouldn't be coming home for two days. Regardless if Stephen King paid for it.
Read the story here.
I'm just wondering if any of you can explain to me why this was an option for this unit?

See I'm always trying to learn new things. :)

Attn: milspouses!!!

I've been doing some reading -- trying to distract myself from the time passing (if that makes ANY sense at all). I'm not sure if anyone else out there is as worried about money and/or finding a job like I am and have been this last year! If you are you will want to read this. Evidently starting 11 Sept (just next month... does anyone else find the date odd? Why not the first of the month? ANYWHOO), the Office of Personal Management issued the authority's final regulatory guidelines a few days ago. Check this out: "Noncompetitive Appointment of Certain Military Spouses." What's this mean you ask?? It means that the government is attempting to make it easier for us spouses searching for jobs, to actually find a job. :) This is something that I am completely "down" with! :) We'll see how well it works out though....

I know I said I would do better with my proof-reading but I'm all over the map right now emotional and that is making it difficult (obviously) to construct a coherent sentence... I think you all get the hint though. :)

Me

Basically I am a NO-Nonsense kinda gal. Often times I come off as mean or blunt or completely insensitive. I also think that we all (me included) need a healthy dose of perspective a lot of the time. With that being said it kind of gets on my nerves when people pitch fits about how tough their lives are. Or how tough their life is about to me. Seriously? I don't want to pretend that "mine is somehow bigger than yours" (if you know what I mean) but here's the benefit of simple acceptance: Acceptance that no matter how dark and dreary you think things are or how scared you are of what's just around the corner, things can always get worse! We all choose to be where we are in our lives (or whats coming next)... so I don't feel bad for you.

I really struggle with people who complain about their circumstances constantly. Personally, I accept full responsibility for my choices and my life. I'm not a victim. I am the wife of a United States Soldier. While this isn't always easy, it is what a chose... bitching, whining and complaining will not change my circumstance.

I've met many new military wives who bitch, whine and complain about how their spouse/significant other is deploying, in the field or {god forbid} working late. huh? Again... I ask "Are you serious?" WHY? Deployments aren't fun... they aren't easy... and I do believe you have to be a special kind of woman to make it through. But I'll say it again:

None of us are victims!

The best milspouse survival tip I have is that when it gets tough... it will get tougher... but (as cliche as it is) when the times get tough the tough get tougher! At some point you have to just dig down deep and suck it the hell up! Some may ask "How?" There really isn't an answer for that. You just do it! People have done it before you-- so it can be done. Therefore, SO CAN YOU! That was meant to be encouragement.

I think we've all seen that forwarded email about the guy who complains about the AC being out "while the soldier fights in Iraq"... about the guy who complains about his co-workers, "while the soldier fights in Iraq"... so on and so forth. The point being that our soldiers have it pretty rough and {the way I see it} others take a little bit more time out of their days to count their/our blessings and to also appreciate the sacrifices made by our military. People have gotten pissy in the past when I've pointed out the differences in military service. Even within the Army there are differences. I am personally very grateful for options and opportunities that Kevin and I have been given throughout the course of this deployment. I know that I have been extremely luck to have talked to Kevin practically everyday while he's been gone. There are a lot of couples (a lot of the blogs that I read included) who aren't as lucky. This is my healthy dose of perspective! My husband and brother-in-law are both mechanics. My b-i-l was "lucky" enough to be assigned to an engineer battalion... my husband has always been in Cav regiments. They support different missions. My husband is currently completing his 3rd deployment to Iraq. While my b-i-l is about half way through his fourth total deployment (2 in Iraq, this is 2nd in Afghanistan). Levi (b-i-l) doesn't have the ability/option to call home nearly as often as Kevin. Perspective is amazing. Extremely humbling.

I wish that others would help themselves to some perspective more often. It's not easy to do... hell I'm not always the best at it, but that's why I surround my self with people stronger than myself. People who I know and love. People who will smack me back down when I am not strong enough to do it for myself.

Sorry if anyone is offended.

Concerts

Wednesday:

Was kind of a cluster (you know what). Originally my mother bought 4 tickets to the Keith Urban/Sugarland concert; 1 for her, 1 for me, 1 for my sister, and the last for my Aunt. Well, my Aunt decided she didn't want to go and up until Tuesday my sister was going. Sadly, Nathan was getting sick and being a real grouch, so she decided to pass and I invited Kaitlyn. She had told me how jealous she was that I was getting to go to this concert. So, it wound up being me, my momma, Kaitlyn and Cindy (my mom's hair dresser). We left really early for a 730 show, but after we hit some traffic got some dinner and found our seats we had about 30 minutes to kill... not too bad. Sugarland opened up, but I think they had a longer set than most opening acts. They were so good and Jennifer was so entertaining and funny- aside from her singing talent. But I didn't get any pictures of her. In fact if you all remember Brody ate my camera so I'm still camera-less. I did get a few pictures of Keith Urban on my Blackberry... like a complete a-hole I forgot I had the damn thing during Sugarland. =(

Keith Urban on the other hand... while he is pretty to look at, he wasn't so great- honestly it was very disappointing. I knew only 2 of his songs and one of them was as we were walking out. We didn't stay the entire time. That also had to do with the drunken broads next to me who were screaming nonsense (not regular concert singing- more along the lines of belligerent-drunken-ness), dancing and bumping into EVERYONE around them, CONSTANTLY coming and going because they had to pee; Beer often has that effect on people. DUH.

Thursday:

Another journey back to Denver. This time it was the Fillmore Auditorium versus the Pepsi Center and for 3 Doors Down and Miss Kaitlyn's birthday!! =) Actually, Wednesday was Kaitlyn and her husband's wedding anniversary. We had a very busy two days... ha ha. Well we stopped for yummy dinner at Chili's, where I thankfully got my second wind! Then made our way downtown to the Fillmore, found parking and ventured inside. Three doors down was sooooo good! They completely rocked and we had a great time. The only downer was that the concert was general admission so there was lots of heat, bumping into other peeps, and well the fact that it was a rock concert means there was pot smoking. Ugh! Just before 3Doors Down came on this tall-ass mo.fo. and his female friend elbowed their way right in front of me! GRRR... he was easily 6'5", yeah, I'm all of 5'4 3/4" can't forget the 3/4's people that's VERY important! The band takes the stage and I catch a whiff of the pot... GREEEAT right? Well I look over and the Ginormous man was smoking on his pot. What an ass! but thankfully he left soon.

Now to the good part: at one point everyone about two feet away was on the floor with their cell phone pointing toward the floor, obviously looking for something... I lean over to the very nice blond lady who filled in after the tall-pot-smoking man left and ask her what's going on. She said that they were all looking for a guitar pick and just then the stage lights came up and I look over to see the pick on the ground! I reached down and grabbed it in a very nonchalant fashion and stuck that lil' treasure right in my bra! That's right... it's the safest place I could think of! ha ha

If you aren't familiar they sing "Citizen Soldier" and "Here Without You"... they made big shout outs to the military and we went all buck-wild crazy. Its always really nice when the people who fight and their amazing families get some recognition. =)So Kaitlyn and I had a fantastic time at 3 Doors Down for her Birthday- a big thanks to her hubby for buying the tickets.

Sorry for the lack of pictures people. But they are coming soon. Kaitlyn will be emailing me hers soon and then I'll get them up!

Don't Judge Me

I love when people judge me. Guess what? I wasn't put on this planet for you to question and judge what I do or don't do to your standards. Especially when you haven't been where I am and you make no effort to support me. Nevermind calling to check on me or hear my side. It really chaps my ass when people pass judgement on me for any reason.

So here's the deal: We are 10 months and 10 days into a deployment. A deployment that has been anything less than customary... in terms of what a "standard" deployment usually is. I have eluded to some of the issues that Kevin and I have experienced throughout the course our time apart but I haven't spelled out the details because, just as I wasn't placed on this planet for others to judge, I also wasn't placed here to hurt my hubby. But thankfully I think that we have recently turned a corner and the remainder (approx 35-39 days) of the deployment will be much smoother sailing.

Our main issue has been my independence and the expectations I've had of what our deployment should have been. I am not a person who needs a lot of reassurance to know that things are ok. Kevin is not the same way as me in this aspect. In plain English: he's called me a lot. At times it has been out of hand. When Kevin left I wanted to hear from him all the time to know that he was ok. Once we got into the groove of what this deployment was going to be like things shifted. Kevin wasn't constantly out on missions or in highly dangerous regions. Because there weren't many missions being conducted there wasn't a lot of work for Kevin and his fellow mechanics to be doing... repairs weren't required as often as you would think when vehicles weren't being used for constant missions. Which created a lot of free time for my husband. The phone calls came more and more often. At first this didn't bother me. Then Kevin got internet in his "room" so we were constantly chatting online and over webcam. Out of my own sense of obligation and support for Kevin I felt like I had to sit there all day infront of the cam and provide him the reassurance that he required. This became a chore. This is no way to live. Yes, our husband's leave and unfortunately they aren't just gone for a long weekend or a cozy vacation somewhere both warm and comfortable. No- conversely they are in the scorching heat, on cots, carrying more weight on their backs (figuratively and literally) than I could personally handle, without any creature comforts of home and all the while yearning for the some ounce of normalcy from home. While on the home front, life MUST go on. That doesn't happen when you're sitting on the couch all day, constantly being questioned about "where'd you go"... well you see what had happened was.. "I went to pee" "I had to let the dog out" "I needed a drink". Let me just say before you assume that my husband is some controlling bastard he was purely curious. Well all of this snowballed into serious frustration, resentment and attitude on my part. Also and Kevin has admitted that his calls and time spent on the internet had gotten a little over the top. After arguments and beating myself up over (actually) NOT wanting my husband to call me so much... I finally spit it out "I need you to back off. No one is good to anyone else, unless they are taking care of themselves first and I haven't been able to do that.. I need you to not call me so often anymore." YES- I did actually say this out loud to my husband. Because guess what? He's not the only one going through and emotionally dealing with a deployment right now. It directly effects the way I lead my day to day life... and leading this life is exponentially more difficult to get through when answering the phone is no longer exciting, but now a hassle and a chore. Honestly, it got to the point where I felt I couldn't leave the house so that I could be available for his (constant) calls.

So let me add this up for everyone: Kevin=slightly needy(I love you babe) and calling constantly! Sam=extremely independent; not needy; with expectations of rarely hearing from my husband and thus completely blindsided by all of the opportunity. KEVIN+SAM=BAD BUSINESS under these circumstances. As I said, though, we have turned a corner and are facing only better days.

I still do not appreciate those who have not been in my shoes and who cannot fathom what I've been through judging my choice to ask that my husband not call me as much as he had; to dial it back from "needy little bitch" (loving term between the two of us, ha haaha) to something more manageable which would still allow for me to maintain some sense of normalcy. To those who currently pass judgement: You don't know me. You don't have the faintest clue what I've been through. So I'd prefer you shut your mouth, at least until you've been where I am or have at the very least heard me out and attempted to understand. Shame on you, for denying me any say in what works for my marriage under unimaginable circumstances. May I also add, bite me. (:

~~~~~

Please check out Deployment Woes. I just found this Marine wife's blog and absolutely love it. She actually inspired me to write this post and showed me that my feelings aren't wrong and while we may be on slightly different pages and in different stages of our own deployments portions of this post were RIGHT ON. I felt like she was writing on my behalf instead of her own experiences. Odd. All the same, please go check her out.

I miss you...

So after my 2 hour nap late this afternoon, I journeyed down to Kaitlynn's (as if, it were soooo far; all of 15 minutes) for a movie, greasy popcorn, "Party in a box" and the amazing and fantastic combo of Hagen Daaz (hmm, sp?) Coffee ice cream and Heath bar! yummm... We couldn't find any good movies on "On Demand" or Pay-Per view so we settled on "Serendipity". This movie is (of course) super cute, classic chick-flick. Those of you who are not familiar with the "Party in a box", feast your eyes on this lil' beauty:

(I apologize for the crappy picture quality, but I really was not going to spend too much time searching for a better picture. You get the idea.)

I am fairly certain this is the CHEAPEST way to put on a buzz people! Invest it's good times. But please... Please under NO circumstances tell my Granny. She's be highly offended that I was bothering to drink "wine" from a "box"-- of all things. {insert disgusted look, here} I love my granny but hell, I just can't hang with her Chianti. Oiy.. join the new school Granny... Shiraz. Zinfandel. Blushes in general are just easier to drink... but sadly not as hearty as a good Pinot Noir. I digress....

I must force myself to focus on the topic at hand. The title of this blog:
Dear Husband,

God, I miss you. Tonight I miss you so much my heart aches.

Really, people I intended on writing some thing that would tug at the heart strings at the most cynical of all of us... but really that's all I got. I suppose, the only other thing I could honestly add to my "heart aching" is that I am sorry. I'm sorry that for the past year it's been easier (for me) to concentrate on what you were doing wrong than to admit how much I missed you. I am sorry that it's been easier to demand space and explain why that was better for me than to embrace the blessing you gave me every night and every morning; you allowed me to sleep soundly and begin my days without fear. Without fear that while I was muddling through the mundane bullshit of my days you survived another night in the desert, this was the gift in the phone call that began (just about) every day of (almost) the last year. You allowed me to sleep peacefully being confident that you had, yet again, completed another horribly, unimaginable day in the summer heat of the Middle East. Thank you. These were gifts. I took them for granted and that is not fair. You and I have talked before about how easy it is for people (anyone, and all of us) to call home (or a friend) and bitch about the negative in our lives, but conversely, we hardly call people to say "Hey, I survived the day. While uneventful and fairly boring it wasn't bad. I have nothing to complain about." Somehow this part of my excuse in demanding space. Demanding "emotional distance." Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not retracting my earlier statement that for me the emotional distance is what forces a heart to grow fonder. For me that is true. But under these just unimaginable, agonizing, heartbreaking circumstances I am thankful for all the phone calls. I am thankful for the peaceful nights' rest and the assured ways I've begun my days and your phone calls which provided both.

I miss you.

*sigh* today...

I notice my followers keep increasing. That's flattering, considering I feel as though I've been pretty sluggish with my blogging lately. I just have approximately 100 things going on and when I get five minutes to myself I really just want to sit and do something brain-less, like watch One Tree Hill or General Hospital (it's what I do). Sadly, with the state I have been in lately blogging just has not been the priority it once was. I think we all get that though right...?

All the same.Yesterday I hit the gym, which I was this ~> <~ close to not doing at all so it's a miracle I got off my ass and did it in the first place! =) Of course I felt better afterwards. Also, I complained a few posts ago about being broke, hot, and AC-less. WELLL... (laTEda) we are now proud owners of a Feature Comforts Evaporative Room Cooler! =) This is the cheapest (and I do mean cheapest) way to effectively "cool ones room." True to form I purchase this lil' beauty and our heat wave heads out. So it hasn't actually been that necessary the last two days (since it was purchased). I'm ok with this, thus far, but I am under the assumption that the heat will one day- eventually, return to Colorado Springs. Maybe I don't need it today (thank the Lord for ceiling fans) but I'm sure it will prove necessary; essential once more.

I've been updating everyone on the status of my sister's IVF lately. Well, yesterday they completed the "transfer". The doc implanted two of the BEST of the BEST embryos yesterday. Now my sister is on bed rest-ish for the next 5 days. This is to give the lil' embryos the best chance to "stick"... eeek! hopefully my sister doesn't freak because I said "stick" but I'll be damned if I don't know what the actually terminology is. I'll tell you one thing about this IVF (my sister, not me) is going through, I sure have learned more about my reproductive system than I ever felt necessary. Boy O' Boy!! So we'll find out July 11th (via an old fashioned blood test) if she's pregnant. Then it'll be a few weeks after that to find out how many babies/fetus' there are. YES- that's right I said "how many." IVF, evidently increases the chance of multiples exponentially. It's funny. We've been joking with Levi (my bro-in-law) about the fact that he got his wife 'knocked up' RIGHT before he deploys but didn't have ANY fun doing it! ha ahaaHA Well, that's the other news people, Levi took off this morning on his 4th (yes you read that correctly) FOURTH deployment.

Levi is the kind of guy who doesn't like to make a big show of things. He likes to down play just about everything. His step-mother is in town with her two kids to help Katie (while she's bed resting) for a few days. This is something completely new for him. Usually it's just been my family to see him off. So I think with his lil' sisters being around, Nathan being older (being able to grasp that he isn't there), and the IVF this departure is hitting him pretty hard. It's awful but this appears to only get more and more difficult ladies. It would stand to logic that it would get easier in some way, "been there done that" and all. Well I was wrong. My logic is horribly flawed. It gets worse. Thankfully (the light at the end of the tunnel), he will be home in January/February. Levi PCS'd to Ft. Carson last summer and was owed dwell time from his last tour/unit. So he didn't ship out with everyone else in February. Well this being their 4th, they are pros! They can 'do' 9 months on their heads with one hand behind their backs! Too easy. However, they will be standing up-right with all hands on deck. Too much happening right now and the next few months. Thankfully, this will help time FLY. I have found that setting goals (more or less) in time, that it seems to help the time go by faster. For instance: Mid-August Kevin will be home(wooop whoop). 29 September is Nathan's birthday. That will be here all too soon. October, Halloween. November, Thanksgiving and Dad's birthday. December, (the obvious) Christmas. January, New Years and possible Homecoming. See and JUST LIKE THAT he's home. I love this. This is what has help immensely over the course of my first deployment with Kevin. Something that I tried to get Katie to do throughout their deployments. It has helped me alot.

*~~~~~*

When I was 18, and graduating High School I was creating a scrapbook of that final year. The first page was "A Letter to Myself", dated 17 May 2003. Here is just a small portion of that:

"Then my sister who always invents new ways to impress me with her unwavering support, bravery, attitude, and independence. I've also gained a brother, who I can't say enough good things about. He's an amazing soldier, with whom I have the utmost respect for. You're in my thoughts and prayers!"

Funny how reflection can force you to truly take stock of your life, who's in it, who's stayed with you, and who you've gained. Also, how much truly stays the same. My sister is still all of those things and more. Just as is my brother. Still a brave and amazing soldier. I'll see you all too soon "Ugly"!

The Low Down, DIRTY, Honest To God TRUTH

Deployments suck. They are horribly hard emotionally on all parties. So far I haven't found anything 'fun' about them. And so far I've learned that these months spent apart bring out both the best and the worst in people. I can vouch for that. I'm not sure if I've thoroughly explained our military history. Well, Kevin has been active-duty for 6+ years, has spent a combined total of 36+ months (2 past deployments and currently on his 3rd) in theater and with only two duty stations. Those of you who have been around long enough know that this, while not the busiest resume isn't a horrible one either. All the same, Kevin and I have only been married going on two years (in September) so for those of you who haven't done the math this would be our first deployment together, married.
Enduring these months in the shoes of a spouse versus any other relationship is something that really I have no words for. I have seen a family and go through multiple deployments before it was my turn up to bat. This provided me with a very unique perspective and gave me a vague idea of what to expect. I have watched while my sister's family suffered through 3 deployments and wait (not quite the right word) for Levi to deploy on his fourth tour in only a week’s time. I remember very vividly in the early months of this war after my brother-in-law deployed for the first time and my sister was still at home, waking up in the middle of the night to her sobbing down the hall. I walked down the hall to her room and said nothing; simply held her hand while she cried. Cried the tears that all of us have. Let our minds wonder to places they shouldn't with visions we shouldn't have. I have told this story a few times. It holds more weight and conveys something more powerful than any cluster of sentences little ol' me could ever put together. At the time I had no clue that I would be destined for the same fate. My heart broke for her at the time. However, this memory made me hard when I chose a soldier to spend my life with. I knew that deployments would be in my future. I knew that I would have to be strong for myself, maintain our life so that when my husband returned he would return to what he left (if not more), strong for my husband so that I could support him while he was gone. Remembering my sister's tears gave me a glimpse of what was to come. My heart ached all the times Levi deployed, redeployed and then all over again. My heart ached for my brother. I've known Levi since I was umm 14, give or take. I grew up with him. His being gone did affect me; it affected everyone (of course). My husband like yours has siblings, a mother, a father and even friends who miss him and pray for his safe return. They are all affected by his deployments in all of their own unique ways.
I had my own experiences with deployment, supporting my sister, her child, my brother-in-law and missing him for my own purposes. But, as you can guess none of this compares to a very early September 2nd morning at the S&A, then the Waller Gym, or those god-forsaken white busses! Sending your spouse to war is something that you really cannot fathom until you've done it. One of my biggest pet-peeves is when people tell me "they understand". Ummm, but unless you are apart of that (less than) 1% of Americans whos spouse serves in the miliarty, and an even smaller group within that, who has kissed their spouse good-bye not knowing if it would be the last time than no, asshole YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest, yet there was relief in the parting, then I was numb. I spent two days wallowing in my heartache, crying, wondering, and waiting for him to call from Germany and Kuwait.
But with all things, I had to learn to sleep alone in our bed (this took months), take care of the dog, go to work (in the beginning of the deployment), cook for one, clean the house and maintain my sanity all the while leaning on just me. I got out of bed every morning, breathed in and out all day, went to bed at night... 1 day down. 2..3...4....5, ect, ect. This is the best of myself. All my strength. Going on with life is necessary in this life. You don't leave them behind; you don't forget your vows and turn your backs on your husband, your soldier while they sacrifice themselves. No. But maintaining life, yourself, your children is our duty. It's what we do. So much like our men, we step up. We suck it up and we drive the fuck on! Pardon me.
*NOTE: Relief in the parting comes from the months pre-deployment when my living room is transformed into more of a barracks room with gear strune all about with no recognizable organization. The months that don’t count towards deployment time, yet the Army and my man’s unit gets more of him than I do; NTC, the field, Pinon Canyon. The anticipation of the deployment is almost more difficult than the deployment itself. There’s the fighting that ensues, the purpose of which is to create ‘emotional distance’ in order to prepare one for the physical distance looming. These things happen. They are just as much a part of the deployment stress as the awful white bus.
I am thankful to have had the benefit of watching not only my sister by my best-friend and many other women kiss their husbands good-bye since the invasions of two countries in the Middle East. These experiences gave me guide... I fully expected not to hear from my husband on a frequent basis. I expected the worries. I expected to miss a call from a strange number and curse myself for not being there; for not getting there fast enough; for letting him and myself down. This is what I had expected. This is the guide which I had when I got married and when my husband came down on orders and when I turned my back, walked away from that gym in tears, sobbing miserably, wondering how I would manage to get myself off post. Well, this is not how my first deployment has been. Expectations ruin things.. create problems.
I am thankful that my husband and I have been lucky enough to speak to each other every day, with only few exceptions. Well talking every day turned into talking multiple times a day on the phone or constantly on the computer... This was a huge problem for Kevin and me. I was prepared to be on my own taking care of me and the home life not having to stop and pick up the phone/computer whenever my husband should miss me, get bored or just want to hear my voice. Brace yourselves ladies because this is something that I doubt you'll enjoy hearing and will have a slight problem understanding. I resented the amount of calls I received I had no idea what to do with them. It was overwhelming. I felt more pressure with him calling me so much. This was a hot button issue for Kevin and I. We did thankfully find our groove, so to speak. We found a frequency that works for BOTH of us. This balance is essential for deployment survival. The process of finding this balance was me at my worst.

The low down, dirty-rotten, honest-to-god truth of deployments is, they are difficult; they will bring out the best and the worse in you and your spouse. But, when you make it through to the end- which I haven't quite done yet, so I'll rephrase: When you work out the kinks and come through the worst parts of yourself and the months apart you will be left with something solid, strong and amazing.