Tuesday, April 26, 2011

So Dramatic

I have a couple questions. I tend to have unpopular opinions. I'm starting to think that's only because I don't understand things thoroughly.
(versus the alternative, which is that I'm just a shitty-judgemental person)
So, I'm turning a new leaf. I'll start asking more questions, hoping to to inspire more conversation; versus vomiting up my unpopular opinions.

About two weeks ago the milspouse blogosphere was all "atwitter" when we read Jessica's post, "A Final Goodbye". I have to say I was first and foremost worried for her, and also saddened to hear of her plan and the douchebaggary her husband pulled. In the days that followed I've seen a lot about support for military spouses and whining within our ranks, "what about us!" Oh, and the unforgettable "It could've been me!"
Question one: Say what??
Question two: 
I know the initial question "what about us" is more about programs and emphasis being placed on what the families go through and programs directed at our mental health stability.
What's wrong with MilitaryOneSource? Personally, I've used their services before. Simple. Easy. Effective. Call the number (1-800-342-9647), tell them (it's humbling I know) that you're in need of a counselor/ therapist for ______reason. You'll be transferred to someone who'll ask you for additional information in regards to your specific problems and information (this individual was caring and supportive to me and my situation). Eventually, they'll provide you with options of a counselor in your area, even help you to schedule your first appointment.
Additionally, you can just call TriCare directly and ask for a list of all the approved therapists/counselors in your area... you get a bunch of number and options, call them, set up an appointment and press on with business. Easy breezy!
Question three: How does being a milspouse automatically mean you'd be in her situation with a husband that cheats and treated her poorly? I don't know Jessica. Outside of all the detail she provided in that "A Final Goodbye" post I don't know any details of her life. Aside from both being married to soldiers her and I don't have anything in common (that I know of). I'm not sure how her situation automatically makes all milspouses susceptible to suicide/ mental illness. I feel like, all of the "That could be me" happening is a way for people to take away from Jessica's very real pain and for some reason (that escapes me) pull the attention from Jessica .

Let me just say for all the people out there that are enraged: I am by no means judging Jessica. I genuinely sympathize and empathize with her. I am concerned and sad for her. I'm no stranger to suicide and mental illness. I also feel that she deserves all the support and encouragement that she can find! Furthermore, I love that so many bloggers rallied around her during this very difficult time in her life.

Donald Trump.
Question one: WTF?
Question two: Why do people think the president has any control over the price of gas? The oil industry consists of private businesses. I made the comment to a friend yesterday, I'm (legitimately) shocked that such a successful man can make such stupid comments. I suppose President Obama can release the oil reserves, which would raise the supply (we all know about supply and demand), inturn lowering the cost of oil domestically. However, that doesn't really seem like such a brilliant idea to me. I think we all know from middle school that oil is a nonrenewable recourse. Once we exhaust what our planet has to offer then.... we'll be... screwed-ola. Outside of releasing the reserves the president has no control of the price of anything... I mean, maybe I'm wrong. Can we ask Mr. Obama to lower the price of DSLR camera's. Shit, I really wish they were much cheaper... just sayin'.
Question three: Why won't he just go away or at least add some mildly educated point to the political debate?


Rachel said...

I loved this movie! I liked them as a couple because they didn't make it look so easy and unrealistic like a lot of movie couples.

Erin said...

For what it's worth, your opinions are popular with me :)

Fox Family said...

I do not think that your opinions are just shitty-judgemental. You are a realist, and that is just fine by me. I could not agree more on everything that you posted. I also felt the whole Jessica thing got her exactly what she wanted...Help. Why people feel the need to turn it around, I will never understand.

Trump...Eh, he just annoys me and honestly just says what he thinks will help him in the future. I also have never been a fan of trying to tear others down in order to hide their own discrections.

Good post!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Well, except that getting a therapy appointment isn't easy breezy. I almost couldn't find a therapist in this military town. The hospital had a 6-month wait, and the one large group wasn't taking patients. Everyone else was private practice. I left messages and only one called me back.
Army OneSource does offer help but I've had friends tell me that sometimes it just doesn't work out. It's important to find a therapist that can work with you. Also, if you can't get an appointment in town without AOS, you aren't going to get one with it.

I don't think you're judgmental, I just don't think you have a clue. Thinking that getting good mental health care when you're feeling useless in your own life is "easy breezy" shows that you just haven't experienced it, and that's not your fault. When you live in a really small, shitty military town and can't get an appointment I am sure your opinion will change.

It could be me. I mean that. Depression is a very ugly beast and just because you can promise that your life will never suck enough to make you hate waking up doesn't mean everyone can. Military life CAN be hard, and when your husband chooses to leave you all of sudden your whole lifestyle is gone and the Army has no use for you. I don't know very many spouses who get to FULLY live their career dreams while moving for their husband's career. When that ultimately doesn't mean anything- well, it's totally possible that one could lose hope.

I do admire you for your honesty and bluntness. It's not always easy saying how you really feel, especially when it's really insensitive. I just wish you were more educated about the issues, because usually you sound pretty smart. I do agree with you about Donald Trump.

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

My sharing my experience with OneSource was not directed at Jessica; it was not to say she should have done this over being so disheartened and betrayed by her husband. No. I was directing those options towards those people who didn't know that they are available and can be effective.
As I said repeatedly, I genuinely sympathize with Jessica and my heart goes out to her. I'm disappointed that her husband would treat her so poorly, just as I would be with a close friend or family member. NO ONE deserves to be discarded.
My point, being, that people are outraged that more programs weren't available to her. I was motivated to share with my fellow milspouses that they do have real programs at their disposal.

Slightly_Rifted said...

I am concerned by the degree of emotional fragging I see among military spouses. We all seem so quick to convict one another and cast the first stone.
Lord knows I have had zero luck with getting anywhere with MilitaryOneSource and the only shrink in our area that takes Tricare kept calling me by someone else's name, which kind of makes it difficult to then turn and trust someone with your feelings and stresses. Were it not for my full-time student status, which grants me access to discounted services at the counseling center on campus, I would have been unable to get the help I need.
I think there are a lot of things that play into depression and that without any of us walking a mile in Jessica's shoes, it is difficult and inappropriate for us to judge (whether we call it that or not) what she could have, would have, should have done.
We have more than enough callousness directed at us from segments of the American public that we really shouldn't be tearing each other down. We should be lifting each other up. I am glad that you have had good experiences. My near decade of marriage has taught me that this is far too often not the case and that there are serious hidden wounds inflicted by this war that will not manifest right away and which will affect us for more than a generation.
I remember when a spouse drove herself out to the beach and shot herself on her husband's 4th deployment and how heart sick I felt. I can't help but wonder if we all didn't bear a bit of responsibility for our emphasis of big girl panties over reaching out and helping each other in a time of such great need.
I pray everyday that I will always have the courage and compassion to lift the hands that hang down wherever they are and in whatever circumstances they may be found. Someday, the life I save may be my own.

TASS said...

I don't think people understand that Obama doesn't raise the gas prices. What he raises is our taxes on personally owned businesses, which in turn raise our gas prices. However, Obama does not act alone nor does any other president we have had. All the decisions he makes (or has the final decision on) are aided with congress and senates input/direction. They are just too dumb to realize the entire cradle to grave cycle that occurs.