The Guilt and the Moving On

The Good-byes have started. Yesterday my dear, dear friends, Lauren and Erin hosted my "Bon Voyage" party. They're so great and I'm so blessed to have met them and to still call them great friends. They put together a very creative menu (and shin dig all around): Black Forest Ham, Kaiser Rolls, Strudel, Muenster cheese, Brats and German Chocolate Cake! Everything was delicious!

I thought this was such a great idea:

Address Book- For all attendees to write in so that I can keep in touch!

I was so excited to see everyone who showed up. I had some really good friends who said they were going to come but either blew me off or backed out at the last minute. It sucks when otherwise good friends disappoint you. I suppose it's just a fact of life.

The other part of all this leaving is that I'm seeing tears in other people's eyes, and I don't like it. I feel like I am the cause (source) of these people's sadness and I hate it! I've mentioned this every same thing to a few friends last night and they told me it's just because they love you so much! I know, it is and as I said in the beginning I'm grateful to have such great friends in my world who do care about me so much. But I like to think of my leaving as something I have to do for me and my future (and family), but thankfully (again) I have built such great relationships and have some really awesome people in my life that I will see them again. Right? I know sometimes people just say things like that and it doesn't happen (especially with us mil-folks) but I am not a person who will invest in other people that I don't care to ever see again. It's just not my style.

The guilt is just something I never saw coming. I knew it wouldn't be easy-breezy to leave, but I didn't expect guilt for goodness sake!

Thankgiving Recap

I hope everyone had a great holiday. Remember when I told you that I was volun-told to tackle our Thanksgiving feast? Well I handled it!

From the far left: Gravy, Twice Baked Potatoes, Corn, Stuffing, Turk, Rolls... We also had ravioli's which aren't pictured but were still delicious! Other than my Aunt bringing the Stovetop and my Pop's cleaning out the Turkey I did everything! I'm proud.

I paid for it later though... I had the most horrible Heartburn of my life... I was literally up in tears at 1AM. It resolved after a desperate phone call to a 24/7 nurses hot line and Kevin went to Walmart at 1am for some medication! All is well now though.

Did you do Black Friday? Well I did- after not sleeping for crap with the worlds-worst-heartburn! Quick rundown: KMart was a disaster (didn't get anything- wasn't worth it), stood in line at Best Buy for an hour (mom picked up an ereader and a wireless surround sound for my sis' xmas present), Target wasn't too bad, I bit the bullet and get Kevin an Xbox (which I now regret and LOATH!). We didn't get out until 7 but we still got some great deals... well the people I was with got some great deals...  I hung out, half conscious, haaHA!

Don't worry I know I didn't list any great steals for myself. No need to fret after a 2 hour nap the hubs and I went back out and picked up some shizzle for me, MAC Makeup Brushes, A lil' key and Sony Noise-Canceling Headphones (for $40, woootwoot). Needless to say, Christmas came early and we're DONE-ZO!

I hope everyone out there had an amazing Holiday with great family and friends.

Things to come

Have you been reading the news lately? Bad things are on the horizon.

Most recently the Koreas began their hostilities once again. Did you know that the Korean war never really ended; they're still technically at war with each other, technically there has been a "cease fire" since 1953. Click here to read CNN's coverage.
Hubs: Holy expletive!
Me: Huh, what's going on?
Hubs: We're going to War with Korea.
Me: (saying nothing out loud, think to myself: O.... how wonderful........... I'm sure they'll work it out on their own.. HA.... unlikely.)
True story, which took place less than 30 mins ago.

Have you been following the recent recommendations on Military benefits, concerning retirement, pay-freezes (for three years including BAH, Base Pay and COLA) and raising Tricare out-of-pocket costs? Well I hope you have. It's completely asinine. I mean need we really get into the strain the military has been under or the past 9 (almost 10) years? Beyond that can we all just agree up until now folks joined the military under the assumption that they'd serve but be rewarded with GI Bill Bene's and a pretty rockin' awesome pension plan. I love how this "Presidential "Blue Ribbon" Debt Panel, aka Debt Reduction Panel is co-chaired by Former Republican Sen, Pete Domenici (funny, I thought those Repub's were "usually pro-military"... allegedly) couldn't find any other way to reconcile our national debt than to tell our hardworking military to yet again- PAY UP! As if the military community haven't done enough. I suppose we haven't according to them. Some changes include possible retirement after 10 years of service- yet not collecting retirement checks until the age 60. After 20+ years of service checks wouldn't be available until age 57 (vs. the current way of doing things, retirement checks are available immediately upon separation). Also, retirement is currently computed based on the active duty members most recent 3 years of pay, the committee recommends changing it to the most recent 5 years of pay. Which in theory you've attainted a higher rank between years 15, 18 and 20 (at that) so the average would now be lower. Great. Additional recommendations can be found here, and here.

If you do nothing else please click here, to contact your local reps and tell them how you feel about these changes. It's the beauty of our country you have the ability to speak up and voice your opinion but doing nothing will likely get you an outcome your aren't in favor of.

A big thank you to Military.com for keep our community informed and making it easy to contact our representatives in Washington.

Click here to read more from Military.com.

Xanax

(source)

I'm not opposed to pills. Some people I know avoid them like the plague (haaaha), just generally don't like to be chemically dependent for whatever reason. Fair enough. And just for the record I don't suffer from Anxiety and don't have a permanent prescription for Xanax. With my upcoming journey across the Atlantic, which requires my happy ass to be on an airplane in excess of 9 HOURS (!!!) I decided I was in need of some chemical altering of my person, to survive the trip. I have a history of not flying well. I'm not good at it and I've never been on a flight lasting longer than 3 hours. Now, I am not one of those paranoid people who flip out because they think the plane is going to fall out of the sky, nor do I suffer from claustrophobia. Here's what usually happens: I can't sleep, I'm light-headed and nauseous (but have avoided tossing my cookies to this point). That's a typical flight, and I tend have an extreme case of jet lag- which I alway attributed to my poor flying skills. My bud, Brandi, recently told me I probably just need some oxygen... novel idea... just simply never occurred to me. But I'll experiment with that suggestion on the 30th when we fly to Portland.

Previously I mentioned how I don't FREAK OUT on the plane... but I have to admit the idea of being trapped on the plane for 9+ hours has kept me up at night and caused some anxiety. So I went to the doc and explained my situation he gave me 5 Xanax. Thank you! My sis (being brilliant) suggested that I try it before getting on the plane Never know how it'll effect a person right? So I did, last night. Honestly I wanted something to completely knock me on my ass (like, not know my own name style). Xanax didn't do that. When I fell asleep I slept soundly but the pill itself didn't knock me out. Bummer. I did only take one (figured I'd start slow right?)  so I think for the flight I'll take 1.5 (prescription says 1 or 2 every 6 hours). 

In all fairness Xanax is an anti-anxiety medication.. it did relax the hell out of me. So that's good! I'm thinking 1.5 Xanax and a Dramomine should do the trick. 

Why am I tell you this? Because well, I woke up cloudy, drowsy and with one hell of a headache. Has this happened to you before? Is it normal? Should I worry it's a sign of things to come...? My sole purpose of experimenting with it last night was in case I was allergic or anything I didn't want to be going into Anaphylactic shock over the vast ocean somewhere! 

Leaving

(source)

What a great picture right?
For the folks who don't know, I'm from the Fort Carson area. All of my immediate family is here. My sister and her family (including my nephews), my mom and my dad. For the last few years I've even had one of my three (total) aunts here with her family. I am a very family oriented person. So figuring out just about an hour ago that I'd only have 8 more days with my family before we leave the US for Germany in 17 days, was awful. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Everyone has a short work week with Thanksgiving being this Thursday, but I just don't feel like it's enough time. You know?

My husband knows that I've never really lived without my family before, which is why he told me the other day that he thinks after we get to Germany that I'll freak out; nervous breakdown style. Comforting, right? I don't think it's going to be all that, but I also don't expect to go, never look back, never miss them, never cry and never wish I were home. All the same, today when I was at Wal-Mart remembering that we leave for Portland (to spend some time with my husband's family) on the 30th and Thanksgiving is only a few days away, and only a few days prior to the 30th (have I mentioned that after we leave for Portland I'll only have about 6 hours with my family prior to leaving Colorado, for good?) was not fun- at all.

Is there anyway to make the transition easier? Any tips or tricks?

I Want it Wednesday...

I want... Bristol Palin OFF Dancing With The Stars! It's ridiculous she's on this long. Can we just talk about how she was considered a "star" in the first place? She got knocked up at 16 or something and is the daughter of one of the most radical Republican/ Tea Party politicians ever. hmmm. Star. Right. I get it now. Is nothing sacred anymore? It's Dancing With the Stars for goodness sake! I think people forget it's a dancing competition not a political arena to pass you vote for underage pregnancies. Hello, Teen Mom I'm lookin' at you! If she wins the show, God help me I'll boycott! 

I want... whoever thought up my BF Jesse McCartney's newest music video wiped off the face of the planet. It's awful. But he's still friggin' adorable! 

I want... to get organized. I miss my own space... you know the idea of multiple rooms (living, bed, bath, ect) of my own. I'm kind of over this living in someone else's guest room. It's wearing on me. 

I want... everyone to know that my father has volun-told me to handle this year's Thanksgiving feast for ummm, a measly 16 people. Me and my 22 pound buddy, Turk, got this! Gobble Gobble!

I really want... to know WTF this is about:

Seriously?! ugh... Here's praying to God this is nothing more than a publicity stunt. I'm so sick of Taylor Swift. I'm happy for her success on some level. But, I'm not a fan of hers. I find her voice annoying. She's made a name for herself regardless of my lil' ol' meaningless opinion so good for her. But really Jake... oiy! 

I want... to know when the craziness will stop, Bristol, Jake and Taylor.... This world is a crazy place. haaaHA

Goodbye v. See ya' round

So we're leaving right? I mentioned the other day that this stage of our PCS is rather pre-deployment-esque.  Now, before anyone goes and gets their panties all in a twist, I know that no one is going off to part-unknown filled with danger. However, there are major "Good-byes" in my future. So what I'm referring to with the pre-deployment reference is that, I know it's coming, I know it's not going to be fun but for goodness sakes I just want to get it over with already. It's time. Sometimes it's best to just tear the band aid off you know?
With all of that said I am spending ever minute I have with my nephews and my friends. I am going to miss so much with everyone I know (LB's prego once again and I'll miss baby showers and births and shopping sprees and name discussions. Nathan starts basketball after Christmas. Logan will be crawling and walking before we know it. Have I mentioned that I'll miss Christmas? haa). At the same time I am not the kind of gal to build these strong friendships, move away and just never speak to people again- it's not my style. IF I'm going to take the time to invest in you and in your life, and invite you into mine I expect and want you to stay in mine.
The sad part of this is that it seems some of my bestest of friends have already cut their losses and pretend I'm already gone and semi-unreachable It sucks when people you care so much for disappoint you. Yet, you cannot make anyone a priority who only makes you an option.
Some people don't really believe in "good-bye" its always this "I'll see ya later" nonsense. To me, it's what you say when you leave a friend's house, or hang up the phone. "Good-bye" is simply a fact of life. I think it hurts more depending on the circumstances but it's always there. On the other hand, I love the idea of this "I'll see ya later" business. I just kinda think it's a cop out... some kinda of coping mechanism. All I truly and honestly know is that whatever I say verbally, I'm going to quite possibly balling my eyes out (literally) but it'll definitely be happening on the inside.

You know what it is...

You had to know I was going to blog today about Veterans Day. Today I thought I would share a few photos with you. I thought I'd start by saying, whenever I thought of a Vet I pictured this:

{source}

Handsome fella, wouldn't you say?
But today when I think about veterans I think of:

Another handsome fella- if I do say so, myself! My point is... somehow I always associated "veteran" with other generations. Today I'm not cashing in on sales from retailers, today I'm at home while my husband spends his Veteran's Day "working". Today he's doing everything he can to get a shit-bag out of the Army. Today, about 8 guys from the Troop are packing and moving this soldier and his wife out of their on-post housing, because they're (the soldier and his wife) are too stubborn or stupid to realize their time with the Army is severely limited due to the fact that the soldier is allergic to acting right (or something). Today, I'm so proud of my husband for having the ability to hold his tongue, suck it up and do what needs to be done.

Today, I'm reminded that some of our countries veterans weren't supported by other Americans. Today, I am also reminded that my husband's service isn't honored and respected by some. Today, I tell those people (on Kevin's behalf) you're welcome. You're welcome that people stronger and more dedicated than you fought and still fight for your right to be ungrateful.

To my veteran and all others I say THANK YOU! 

Marines

Can someone tell me what a JackWagon is? Seriously I wanna know!

Happy 235th Birthday Marines.

The Trifecta

The Trifecta: No Dog. No Husband. No Sleep.

All that plus being in a strange bed in a house I haven't slept in, in over 4 years... last night sucked. You'd think that would be an aspect of my life I'd grow used to. You'd think. Maybe it's only a matter of time? Maybe some are just better at that aspect than I am?

On top of that, I'm usually pretty spirited about Christmas. This year it's just something I probably won't be able to celebrate. I'm just wondering why the retailers are torturing me with Christmas decor?

(short story: I was walking through Target last Thursday with Erin and LB noticing all the decor and talking about what gifts we'd purchase this year. Well, all of it was really overwhelming. I want to decorate my house for Christmas like I did last year. Nevertheless, I was pouting in the Target. I was so sad that I couldn't really participate. Sucks.)

I wish they just could have held off until after I left the country. Whenever I leave the house I have reminders everywhere I go that I won't be home for Christmas (and all that comes along with it). On top of not being home Kevin and I may not have any of our household good until December 29th... yea, do the math.

I'm trying to remind myself that it's going to be great. It'll be Kevin and I, and we're make it special just by being together. Ho, Ho, Ho.

So much crap- so little time!

I've been busy. Just the other day I was saying that I wished I just had nothing to do. I keep reminding myself that at least we have the means to get things accomplished and that's more than some; I'm We're lucky.

Moving on, LB made me two camera straps for my Cannon. I <3 her! Spent too much time in Target (really it started to feel claustrophobic... yeah... was there too long)... thanks to LB and Erin. They don't blog much (lately), as you can see because they're busy spending time with yours truly and planning my surprise going away party (I say again, surprise, lol)!

My mother made a good point the other day (as she often does): I'm giving up practically everything I've ever owed for the new adventure of moving to (and living in) Germany. So far, I'm down one dog (={) and one house (bouncing around in spare rooms). As of tomorrow I'll be down my car! I'm good with saving the money but I sorta hate my husbands Jetta; it's not comfortable and it's far too low to the ground (especially in comparison to my SUV). Again... gotta remind myself we are so lucky to have two cars, some people don't have one... suck it up Sam!

The hubs is trying to talk me into getting a new computer. I'm torn. Maybe now isn't the time? But we went and look at Best Buy to see what's up. I've only blogged, virtually begged for a MacBook for AGES. But I'm having a hard time lately justifying the cost. After speaking with very knowledgeable Matt (at Best Buy) for a messily two hours I'm stuck between these two:

Sony- Vaio Laptop

(14" display, 4GB Memory, 500GB Hard Drive)

$799.99

Apple- MacBook Pro

(13.3" display, 4GB Memory, 256GB Hard Drive)

$1199.99

My new buddy Matt recommended the MacBook Pro because of my new affection for picture-taking, for it's editing capabilities (which come installed). You may think, if you're problem is the cost of the Mac's... go for the all-white MacBook and not the Pro. Well, our buddies at Best Buy offer/honor a military discount on Mac's (not on the Sony) which would amount to $100 off the Pro, bringing it down from $1200 to 1100- the MacBook is at $1000. The Pro is made of aluminum versus the plastic on the MacBook and you get 2 more GB's of Memory on the Pro... so it's worth the extra $100. But is the Pro at $1100 worth it, in comparison to the Sony at $800? 

Decisions.... Decisions... 

Incase I forgot to mention it in the last 14 paragraphs the hubs is out to the field for the next week -- his last week in the shop and he's out in the field. Next Monday he starts clearing! Ekk! 

I REALLY Want it Wednesday...

Truly... tell me because I want to know. Help me understand... as an American. I need and I deserve to know!

Case and point. Yes, lets repeal the healthcare bill... Please. Because doing nothing with the old system sounds like a much better idea. At least it's not "change". People are scared of Change. Naturally. Will it work? What will it cost, ect and so forth... At least people can go back to bitching about the health care system not working and it being too expensive-- that is at least a gripe they're used to.

Yes, please, lets "reduce the size of government and continue our fight for a smaller, less costly, more accountable government." (Boehner) OH, The glory days of President Bush. Less costly: hmmm, that's not true to the record. Lets be real when President Clinton left office he left the national budget with a SURPLUS people. After two Bush terms we were left with (how many billions of dollars borrowed from China?) and a huge deficit. So the Republicans being less costly is laughable.

Also, for those who want to "reduce the size of government and continue our fight for a smaller, less costly, more accountable government." as Boehner said have you heard him mention how he'll accomplish it? Talk is cheap.

What I heard during the press conference was "We're going to do exactly what you want." But they failed to mention how. We the people (evidently) want a repeal on the Health Care Bill. But when asked about it he said he'd address it in the coming months and see what happens in January. That's not proof of anything.

Honestly I doubt anything will come from this Republican controlled House/Senate Combo. Only because President Obama has publicly asked Republicans for their ideas and contributions (specifically in regards to Health Care) multiple times; during one State of the Union and he hosted a Summit on Health Care February 7th, where party leaders (including John McCain) spent the unprecedented time with the President name-calling and boasting about their favorite colors... well this is obviously a distortion of the truth... they spent the day discussion nothing. When they could have actually pitched their on brilliant thoughts and ideas on the subject. They did nothing.

Lastly: All Politicians Lie. Change Takes Time. If your excited for the change that Republicans promise... brace yourself it's not likely to come in less than 18 months... Shocking.

On a personal note. As an American, I'm PISSED. My mail-in Ballot is M.I.A! My right, afforded to me by the 19th Amendment was not extended to me. Pissed, I say, PISSED!

I am genuinely curious about the outcome if you can help me to understand and still, as always remain respectful I am so willing to hear you out. Because what I know tells me this makes no sense... none at all.

Missing our pup today

I think Brody is going to really LOVE his new home. I know he's going to love the pool. But I know as much as he's going to love it there, we're going to miss him more! 

He was our first baby. It's hard getting used to him not being there... even getting used to him being in the way  and being under foot.

We picked up a huge bone to distract Brody. He loved that one too!! Getting Brody over to San Diego was a huge step toward leaving. It kind of brought the leaving aspect of this PCS to the forefront. Just a little while ago I was talking to my sister and she said it breaks her heart that Brody is gone because it just means that leaving is getting closer. I told her I try not to think about it. It's true too. I try to avoid the leaving aspect and thinking about the "Good-byes" to come. Thats the part I'm looking forward to the least. It's sort of pre-deployment-esque. The build-up is there yet I just want to get it started.... tear off the band aid, if you will. 

In other news I'm considering a Going Away Party. I had some ideas which lead to my finding out that my homies were going to plan me a Surprise Going Away Party.... maybe letting someone else plan it and host it would be a great idea after all. hmmm.

Marathon super sad, busy Weekend.

It all began on Thursday morning, 3AM. We're up drowning our Brody in Benadryl, getting ready for the day and completing our final stages of packing, toiletries and such. We proceeded to the airport by 415, with two bags, Brody and his kennel in tow. After a mere 45 mins we were finally checked in on our flight and then we completed our journey through security and to our gate. I should preface the next bit by saying I'm not a fan of United Airlines right now. For those of you who have traveled with a pet know you have to provide a Health Certificate from your Vet. Well my Vet included a memo about temperatures and basically United either didn't care or didn't inform their employees on the tarmac of the memo's specifications. Our poor pup sat on the tarmac for 45 mins in 18 degree weather. The memo stated that the dog should not be subject to temperatures under 30 degrees for  more than 15 mins.... yea, you do the math... I was not and still aren't overly thrilled with United and that situation.

We made it to my in-laws in San Diego and Brody began exploring his new home. He loves it there, the sun, the pool, his tennis balls. Thursday night we accompanied my in-laws to an award dinner for my father-in-law.  It was a great time, and I did go with the braid in my hair... it looked really good but I don't have any pictures. Boo! It wasn't all shoomzing and cocktails though, there were some laughing and really funny moments. My husband was the talk of the town though... so many people came up to him, thanked him for his service and started telling Kevin their own war stories. I was so proud of him. I also discovered that I actually really like seared Halibut. I'm not a fish fan.... never have been, but I'm open to trying things and I was happily surprised that I liked it. The party was great, Kevin and I were so happy to be there to share in Neal's special moment.

Other than the party we hung out around the house with the pup and family. I also got to catch up with my good friend Noel, I try to see her every time I go to San Diego. I love her!!! It was so nice to have dinner and catch up with her.

Today was rough. We had to say goodbye and leave Brody. It was really sad and there were a few tears but at the end of the day we did what we think is best for Brody. Sometimes doing what's best isn't easy or necessarily what you want. Today being a grown up was sad and not at all fun.