Sunday, May 24, 2009

Venting

Lately I've kind of been all over the place. I was/am pretty discouraged when that Tierra Vista job didn't come through. That's the downside of confidence. You know that you are capable and qualified, the interview went well; I got along great with the interviewer. Put all that together and I think I'm a shoe-in. Not to mention the fact that I found them sent them my resume and then two weeks later they contact me trying to set up an interview! GRRR... Yes, definitely discouraged. Now I'm right back to where I started; forcing myself to remain positive when Kevin will be home in a few short months. While this is a good thing that also means the Separation and Hazard Duty pay (amongst others) stop! This is extremely bad news and weighs very heavy on me. I'm not sure how things are going to play out at this point. But as each day passes and Kevin's homecoming gets closer and closer I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Paying the bills on time is something that has always been very important to me. I have great credit and I don't want to ruin that. Paying the bills versus having my husband home... hmmm. See my predicament? Don't get me wrong there is no choice in the matter. Kevin has been gone for too many months already, so his homecoming is definitely well deserved and much awaited! I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't want him home so that we can continue to pay our bills... just wanted to clear that up.
So in staying positive all that I can really say is that we cannot control what happens to us in our day-to-day life. Most of us our not in a position to write our own tickets. So when things don't go as we would have hoped or we don't get what we want falling to pieces or whining and complaining about it is not a solution, it's not constructive, nor will it ultimately get me what I want (or need in this situation). So please forgive my moment of venting/ whining/ complaining! =) Something better will come along.

Ok, besides the whole job fiasco Kevin and I have just been on completely different pages lately! The majority of Kevin's unit should be home 14/15 August (3+ months), of course there are rumors (devil things) going around that they're coming home 14/15 July instead of August. We'll see... Anyway, at this point 9+ months into this deployment I am the kind of person who has settled into the routine. I hate to say it this way, but gotten used to life being this way. Please, don't take this to mean that I wouldn't prefer my husband be home- because that is most definitely preferable! However, I was very well aware that deployments were in my future when I met and decided to marry Kevin. I knew what I was in for (in a matter of speaking) that is if you can ever really be prepared for this... It's different when it's your Brother-in-law than when it's your spouse. Your partner. Your mate. Your best friend. Well, I was prepared for this aspect of my life. Having explained that to everyone... 9+ months into the deployment Kevin is miserably homesick... ready to come home, ready to be done with the heat, inedible food, living in ACU's and coveralls, sleeping on a cot in a tent with too many other soldiers. As I said I'm ready for him to come home also. Unfortunately (maybe, "luckily" for me anyway) I'm just too logical sometimes for my own good. I DO WANT HIM HOME! but that isn't going to happen right now. That isn't going to happen for at least another 3 months (some people will listen and invest in every rumor that comes through- only to be let down. I can't and refuse to go down that road. My advice is to hope for July, in this case but expect August) so what good does it do, what sense does it make to dwell on wanting what you cannot have right now? See the issue here people? Kevin reads my blog everyday so he will obviously not my surprised by any of this... but I know that a few of you followers are on about the same time schedule (deployment wise) as we are so mainly I wanted to blog on this topic to get it off my chest (did any of you know that writing is/can be very therapeutic? hahahaha) and if anyone else is in the same pickle to say that you aren't alone. Or if maybe just by chance I'm the worst Army Wife in the history of the Army... well at least you know I take the cake and you don't. :-p

Those are some things that have been weighing me down lately! Thanks for listening. After getting all of that off my chest, I'm thinking we should all "vow"/make a pact to face tomorrow with a smile! Be happy people. If you are struggling with financial, relationship, deployment or just normal day-to-day woes... choose to be happy and positive in the face of all of that! I like to think of it as flipping life the BIRD!! BWAHAHAHA basically saying "Yup. I got dealt this crappy hand but egh.... I'm still here and tomorrow always hold the possibility for change. Or better yet PROGRESS. A step in the right direction is all that I'm asking for." So here's to flipping my woes the BIRD!

Tootles peeps... Nighty Night.

4 comments:

Mrs. G.I Joe said...

WOW! Thats a whole lot getting you down girl! I'm not sure if I understood you correctly about Kevning being gone and you being used to that but I think you were saying that you've gotten used to the way it's been and are unsure about what'll be like when he gets home because you've fallen into a routine. If thats the case, then I completely understand! While Robert was in Drill School, I had done the same and gotten into a mode of life that worked for me. It totally sucked him being gone and I wanted him home! But routines are hard to break:p For example, while he was away I would stay up late, sleep in late, eat breakfast around noon, spend a lot of time on here, run anytime I felt like it, cooked whenever I felt like it, cleaned whenever I felt like it:p I was basically living a batchlorette life:p But that has to change when you're married and the hubs comes home...So its not to say you don't want that, its just a litte uncomfortable adjusting habits you've built while they've been away:) On the note of Terra Vista and your job frusteration, there really is no comforting words for that because everything I could say just sounds artificial...Like, it'll get better (which it will!) or keep your head up and keep trucking (which it sounds like you've decided to do towards the end of your post)...But in honestly, I KNOW about money problems and needing a job. Then after you get that job you need another one, in addition, because that one doesn't cut the bills... It keeps your heart tense all the time, and you're left feeling like your in this insane cirus trying to preform when your given very little auditions:( But everytime, God came through for me and I was given that one audition that was right for me and I got the job. You will to girl! I hope your better today and feeling revived....I know a good "rant" post sometimes does wonders and yes, blogging is soooo therapeutic!

Mrs. G.I Joe said...

Ha Ha! I totally just wrote you a book/in your honor:p Please hold your applause, Lol:)

Teresa said...

Keep your head up! Things always turn out the way they should :)

Crazy Shenanigans said...

First of all don't get discouraged because of that job. I bet they haven't filled the position at all. Just think that if they didn't call you it's becaue everything happens for a reason! Maybe Kevin will get to come home early and they would have been pissy about giving you time off (jerks)

That's great that Kevin is coming home in a few months. I'm sorry that he's getting so homesick. They say that happens alot after they have already done their R&R weeks and know that their stuck there till the end. I'm sure you guys know this already lol because you've been through it multiple times. (duh..me)

I hope you have a great Memorial Day tomorrow though!