Monday, February 23, 2009

Soldier Update

I promised soldier updates... and here's the first on my blog. We are rapidly approaching the half-way mark of this deployment (March 2), and up till a few days ago I had not been truly rattled by Kevin's service. Thanks to the miracle of the internet and webcam Kevin and I talk online everyday and are able to see each other as well. Mostly it’s been great to see Kevin, but it’s also shown me some things I haven’t seen before. Over the last two days I saw and heard a few things that shook me to my core. The first was fear in my husband's eyes. I won't go into the details, they aren't necessary... spelling them out would only hurt and inspire fear in others- this is not a goal of my blog. Seeing this was not something I was prepared to respond to. I pride myself on being a source of strength, and calmness for Kevin... but I had no words and I fear I was of little help! All that I could really manage to get out was "I love you and I'm proud of you." Kevin had guard today and we were chatting online while he was getting ready for it so I watching him stand up put on his blouse, throw on his vest, and kevlar. He was all dressed up (unfortunately) with somewhere to go. I've seen him all 'geared' up in the living room when we strapped all the crapola onto his vest, but in that setting at this time it was... overwhelming. It's hard to really put into words how these events have affected me and Kevin. More than anything I know I am so proud of him, today more than ever. I was talking to a friend about these things and they immediately assumed that I was scared for his safety and return. Honestly, fear that he won't return safe and sound is not an emotion that enters into my thought process. I dismiss that idea out of hand. I fully trust in his abilities, his training, and in his own motivation to return home, as well as in the soldiers around him.

I know that Kevin reads my blog everyday and he may be disheartened to read the above... Babe, I want you to know that you can always talk to me and I am here for you in any way that I can help you through this time. You have to know that some of the realities and visuals that I now possess would not be easy to swallow. While they may not be easy to hear or to see it's nothing that I cannot handle. So you lean as much as you need. I love you, you are not alone and I'm always here for you!

1 comment:

Paula said...

Honey, I know it is so hard for you and kevin to be so far apart. I am so glad you can communicate via the internet and web cam. We are so very proud of both of you and we keep you bothn in our hearts and prayers everyday. Love you