Sunday, September 12, 2010

Day 2 {Your first love}

Today's entry came a little late in the day.... better late than never right?

I guess I should start by telling everyone that I didn't get a lot of play in high school. My first boyfriend and I were 'together' for two years. His name was Bryan. After Bryan my next relationship was my husband. Does that make me lame or prude? I don't think so... haaa!
(at least thats what I like to tell myself)

Anyway, I'm supposed to tell you about my first love. But what I'd prefer to tell you about is how at the end of the day he never loved me... I was too immature and inexperienced to know I deserved someone that appreciated my love and loved me back. Someone that had enough respect for me, to say "I don't feel the same way for you and I can't take advantage of your feelings for me knowing I won't love you back." Well, Bryan obviously wasn't that kind of man and at the end of the day that's exactly what he did, took advantage of my feelings for him and broke my heart.

Bryan and I ended over 5 years ago.

I met Kevin the following summer, a little more than a year post-Bryan. After Kevin fell for me (because you know, I'm that amazing... HA), he treated me like a queen. He loved me. It was nice to be loved. I treated me with respect. He even gazed at me. I could feel his love for me. He appreciated me.

You know the Rascal Flatts song, "Bless the Broken Road"? It reminds me of Bryan v. Kevin:

set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I loved Bryan once, but I appreciate him now for making me strong. Making me who I am today. Making me into a person who knew a good man when I found one. For teaching me; teaching me not to settle. Because, Bryan treated me with disregard I demanded more of myself and more of the men I met after him.

Anyone else think they call them "first loves" for a good reason? They're first loves for a reason?!* They're first loves so that you'll have a second possibly a third or even a fourth. That's my theory as to how it applies to my life and experiences.

*no offense to anyone who was blessed to find and keep their first loves for a lifetime.


I didn't forget (for anyone who's wondering) that today is 9-11. Today, I'm so proud to be married to a soldier, my hero. Today, i'm remembering the infamous events that took place 9 years go and how they forever changed the world; and how they have effected my life. 

2 comments:

Ashley said...

Its amazing how something so heartbreaking at the time can end up be such a great lesson later on.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Everything does happen for a reason!!

I haven't talked to my first boyfriend/love since we broke up in high school!