Sunday, August 30, 2009

It's not always easy

1st: I was helping my sister look for her wedding ring (that my nephew had climbed up onto the counter to get; took outside and through into the air when he was finished playing with them) yesterday and burnt my arm pretty badly on her lawn mower... it's a story that's pretty long to type so I won't bore you with the details.

The point:

Yeah-- I was attempting to move the blades up on the lawn mower and bumped the exhaust.
YUCK. OUCH. That'll be pretty {sarcasm} for quite some time. It's already a darker-purpleish color and the blister is still intact which is good. The blister and the blister juice is the body's way of protecting itself. It's still ugly.
Kevin has been home for 10 days now. Unlike some other welcome home stories I've heard/read and contrary to both mine and Kevin's expectations for this time period; it's been rough.
There are a number of factors to why things haven't been honeymoon-esque for the Hubs and myself:
  • The habits I created while Kevin was deployed.
  • Re-learning how to do things for two (vs. just lil' ol' me)
  • Kevin learning remembering I'm not one of his soldiers.
  • Kevin's attempt to quit smoking -- if you remember a few months back I blogged about how Kevin had quit smoking (which is what I was told, mmm-hmm). Well he wasn't successful. He didn't tell me this. Basically, he returned home last Wednesday and Thursday was his first day of not smoking in a while.
  • Taking responsibility for being unemployed, thus our current financial situation.

Those are some of the reasons that Kevin and I have had a difficult time reintegrating over the course of the last week. Kevin has been extremely short-tempered; flying off the handle at the smallest, most inane things. These are things that Kevin has admitted and owned up to, fully. However, I am a strong believer that a marriage is about both parties. If something is wrong or isn't working it's on both people involved. It's up to the couple (together) to work it out; get through it together!

You all know the drill after they return to work, briefings, briefings and more briefings. Well he mentioned some of our/his difficulties with getting adjusted to Behavior Health. Kevin brought home some literature home about Soldier Combat Stress. This isn't quite PTSD but it's pretty much what the name implies.

I'm here to tell everyone if your redeployment/re-integration experience isn't picture-perfect, or the smoothest of transitions it's ok. It's not the end of the world. Kevin and I are working on it and we're already doing better. So don't let the love-birds get you down. ;)


I'm off now The Santa Claus is on TBS this is one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE movies.



high heels said...

Well, at least he's tryin' to overcome his shit, right?!

Tulum Living said...

All I will say is this. The best of relationships take a lot of work and when wise men said those words the deployed whether nearly, currently or just recently were not in their minds. It is a whole new world that you are entering together. You did not have a long standing daily history to compared your current life too. just remember. ALWAYS focus on the true and real. Then, after loving the true and real... imagine the life you want and it will be so. After decades of training and upbringing among the best minds in the area whether it be city, mind, state or greater... and it WILL be so.

Karie said...

Like you said in the end... NORMAL! I would say your experience is the norm opposed to the "love birds". I think you are just more open about it than they are.

It isn't easy to do this. It sounds like you have a good grasp of what is going on, though, and understand it will take work and dedication to get through it.

And if he has ptsd... pace yourself and be open to changing the way you think about some things. If he makes you angry and you would normally fight back... walk away. It's easier for you to check yourself than it will be for him and you'll save a lot of fights. Been there, and learned the HARD way.

Rachel said...

I watched The Santa Claus last night too, I love it!! It's really good that you understand why you and your husband are having problem with him just coming home. A lot of wives wouldn't understand and just give up. My brother in law had the same problems, he's been to Iraq 4 times.. but he and his wife are great now. Good luck!

Steph said...

Everything will work out and its great that you realize that. Best of luck!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

First of all ouch! That has to be hurting on your arm! Neosporin that up!

I'm sorry that you've been having a rough time. Smoking...well you know how I feel about that. I was informed the other day that sweets was chewing the gum in hopes of cutting back to quiting. I bet that's why your hubs has been short tempered.

Hang in there girl!!! Also send me an email!! I have so much to tell you!

Cheryl said...

I have been reading your posts for a few days now and I just had to say it is so nice to see a real view! My husband is deployed right now, but in the past the reintegration has always been complicated! We worked through it together each time and it took both of us changing things a little to make it work and it is just so nice to see someone being honest about what it is like when they come home!

my life isnt easy but its the only one i got said...

Yea my love you are great. Not to be shitty. I am glad you wrote this to show everyone that if they are having issues that they are not alone and that they can work through it. I am happy that we have been able to work through this together. I love you so much and thank you for your patience and kindness. You are the reason we have been able to move past this so fast and with minimal issues.

Erin said...

I think anyone who says their readjustment is all sunshine and rainbows is lying. It's a tough thing. For all the reasons you listed and more. It's totally normal for it to be difficult.

My husband and I have already discussed the counseling options available to us from the military. We know we are in for a tough road ahead.

Kudos to you for realizing that marriage takes two people working together toward a common goal. That will make it go that much smoother. Just remember, it gets easier and things will eventually work themselves out if you keep trying. Don't give up!

Lauren B. said...

i know how difficult the return of a deployment can be. it is hard, and it takes time for everyone to adjust. hang in there, it will get better.

ABW said...


Reintegration is the hardest. We just arrived at Fort Carson. It is beautiful here, and I am sure once I meet some people it has to get better, lol.