Thursday, April 16, 2009

It hurts...

Does anyone know if swelling is normal after you've been icing?? Hmmm... I think Nikki said she was a nurse? I'm almost off to bed but I wanted to let everyone know I was in much better spirits today than yesterday... pity parties are short-lived here! But tonight I'm going to bed smelling like my grandpa- some good ol' Bengay. woo hoo! Well I think actually it's "icy-hot".. SAME-SAME... well it certainly smells the same! That’s for sure.

Anywho... someone asked me what to do when you get used to living alone? When you prefer your husband be home, but are passed missing them? The love is there (there was emphasis on this point!)... and she wants her soldier home... but maybe the distance has started taking it's tole on their relationship.... Well Ladies I need your assistance with this one! So please offer any and all experience and advice you may have to share!

First: I wanted to say that I was touched and humbled that "she" (ummm, I hate all this innuendo, we'll call her Susie.. :)) thought I would be able to help... I love being appreciated and trying to help other peoples.

Second: My first instinct is that it's wonderful that Susie has gotten to a place where she is strong enough on her own and not miserable and unable to function without her husband. This is something that will come in very handy if she married a career soldier! Being apart is just part of the gig. Remaining strong is important and believe it or not your soldier does appreciate that you don't fall to pieces when he leaves.

Third: Getting reacquainted after a year apart is something that I think we've all dealt with in our marriages. I have read some of these blogs that talk about how easy it is to just fall back into a rhythm on R&R or when the hubs returns home... I read these and think- "that is wonderful for them." I think for those couples who do have it this easy that is amazing. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that isn't the norm. I was ecstatic to see Kevin (when he SURPRISED me on R&R)... but the full 14 days wasn't filled with intimate memories, laughs and kisses. We ran ourselves ragged visiting family, losing things and buying things... and then there's that lingering thought in the back of your mind that this person is just about to leave again.. Why get so close, again? I think you have to get to a place where you are comfortable with them being gone. Life goes on when they are away. We can't get bogged down in depression or the negative. Getting a little bit off track- I’m sorry! What I am getting at is the process of reintegration is not easy for all couples and may take a little bit to get back to where you were! But stay committed and don't dwell on the "what if's" or worrying about how bad or good things may be when he returns.

Fourth: It might take effort... take initiative and add spice and re-light the flame in your relationship. Get out of town for a few days. Get a few nights away from the kiddos. Honestly I think marriages are meant to be work... it is maybe the most important relationship you will have in your lifetime, so if you want it to be good you have to make it good! Some days are easy. Some days are hell. But stay positive! :) and know that you aren't alone, the idea of having to cook for another person, and wash their clothes, and learn to share the bathroom sink again is daunting to me too. You aren't alone...

Ok I need to take my old-man smellin' self to bed now. I hope my muscle-relaxer half-asleep ramblings made some sort of sense to you and maybe you can pull something helpful out of that! Hopefully... Fingers crossed. Maybe in the AM I'll make some changes if this post wasn't so coherent or easy to follow!? We'll see in the AM! Please add your personal tid-bits, tricks-o-the-trade and advice too, readers!

5 comments:

Nikki said...

Sorry I didn't get to your post in time, it's been a heck of a day. Swelling with ice is normal. If it is worse tomorrow, please get to the doctor. I am an avid fan of telling people to see a doctor. Especially with neck and back pain. It's probably just a strain but please get it looked at for me. Unless you wake up tomorrow feeling great, which I will keep my fingers crossed for.

I will be back tomorrow to help with the second part of your blog.

silver star said...

I've never lived alone, so when (& if) my husband get's deployed, this will be my chance to do that, so I'm looking forward to that chance, even though I know I will miss my husband terribly. As someone who has had lots of trouble w/her neck & shoulders for years, I feel your pain! I hope it is something that you get over quickly and it doesn't last for years.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I'm really nervous about what's going to happen after the deployment is over. I think everyone worries about that and hopes it's ok.

High Heels & Combat Boots said...

Good post girlie :)

I'm LOVINNNN' Colorado again!!

lola said...

I think you've made some really good points. Matt and I, having been apart a lot, have trained ourselves in the way of falling back into things. I completely agree, however, that relationships take a lot of work and maintenance to keep them running strong :)