Day 8 {A moment}

Which moment? The moment I was born.... yea, don't remember.

A moment that changed my life? Which one? There's been so many!

How about a moment where I realized I have a choice; a choice in everything. I have the ability to choose happiness in the face of any situation. Life isn't always fun or easy or what you want it to be. But my life is a product of all the choices I've made. Everything, good or bad is a result of my choices. I know that some people say, "I didn't choose to get laid off and fall behind on bills...." or "I didn't choose illness." But you always have the option to choose how you handle any of these things that happen to you. At one point you chose that job that laid you off, does that mean you chose to be laid off? No. What I mean is that we always have the freedom of choice. You may not always be given the options you'd like so you choose the best of the worst and you choose to happiness in the face of all the negativity.

I didn't always have this knowledge (and honestly, it's often difficult to remember). I used to be pretty pessimistic and dare I say, bitter. Someone would say "the sky is blue," or any such, harmless comment and I'd have a negative response, "well it's going to rain later, which will make it dangerous to drive and muggy." Whatever you'd say, I'd say something unpleasant in response. This behavior however, harmless my intentions always were began to weigh on my soul. There is nothing worse than negativity and hatred in your heart weighing on  your soul. I began taking stock of my life and realized how the things coming out of my mouth actually sounded; how they were received by others and was shocked.

I made a change.

I chose to change. I chose to be more positive. I try to smile when people are mean to me, when every instinct in my body screams for my to karate chop them in the neck! I try to 'woosah' when I'm stressed, so not to overreact or pass my stress onto others, namely my sweeter-than-I-am-Husband.

I really remember being upstairs in the hallway talking to my husband while he was deployed, being sick and tired of beating myself up over not having a job, which at that point was really changing the way I felt about myself, and my self-worth.I told Kevin that it might sound corney but I'm tired of being the way I am, being some negative all the time and that I'm tired of feeling bad about myself because I couldn't find a job in the horrible economy, so I was going to make a solid effort to be more happy and less negative. I reminded myself out loud, during a conversation with my husband that I can't change the economy; I can only spend so much time making my resume look outstanding: There was only so much that I could choose to do that would have an effect on my situation... But no matter the outcome of any application I submit I was going to choose to believe in myself and be confident that I'd done everything I could to find a job.

At the end of the day there are things that are out of my control, but I've chosen to be where I am (in one way or another) so whether it's a good day or a bad day I'm going to choose happiness over the negative!

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